Bad Karma!

"   

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't."

Steve Maraboli

When I was a child every night when I went to bed I would say my prayers.First the Shema , then my God Blesses. 

My God blesses included by name, my parents, my grandparents, and all of my aunts and uncles. Then there would be one final all encompassing God Bless for just about every one else.

(The dog also got his own personal God bless ,much to the chagrin of my mother!).

This past Saturday night, the last of the group who received this personal prayer, passed away.

Uncle Irving was 89 when he died, which I believe was the oldest any of those who got this personal attention from me lived.

I can't remember when I stopped saying these nightly devotions. 

I do have memories of those nights when I would forget to say my prayers. 

I would toss and turn fitfully.

There would be an overwhelming sense of guilt that would come over me , as if my neglect would some how bring bad things to The Universe.

Even if I retraced my steps,and did my praying later, it felt like it didn't count, like somehow I would be punished for being so cavalier and making them an after thought.

I would be haunted all night with bad feelings and anxiety, just hoping for morning to come.

And when it did, I was not relieved. Instead I would be guilt ridden and sad.

Eventually, I gave up the practice of nightly prayers.

In my adult life, I have also abandoned praying as well.

Wow......ya gotta wonder what that's all about?

Any how, they're all gone now, the list of people I once felt needed my prayers.

I can only hope that this has nothing to do with my not continuing asking for blessings for them.

That would really be a bad head trip!