Good at being me

“Fate is the hand of cards we’ve been dealt. Choice is how we play the hand.”

 ~ Marshall Goldsmith

One thing that has become evidently clear to me is that I am really good at being me.
I know that sounds kind of obvious.
We are all good at being ourselves. 
Right?
Not necessarily.
I know way to many people who say things like gee if I were only like so and so or if I only could be more like some one else.
If that were the case we would be them, not ourselves.
Often times that type of thinking leads to envy . 
Other times it manifests in depression.
Sometimes it even leads to despair. 
No matter what, it's not healthy or productive.
Lately I find myself saying and offering up a whole lot less than in the past. 
Believe it or not, I don't know everything nor do I have all of the answers.
(Do not let my wife and kids know that!)
I have a lot of them, just not all of them.
And the ones that I have may seem reasonable and logical to me, but maybe not to everyone.
Last night I attended yet another committee meeting. I sat and listened with very little input. 
When I did choose to offer up an insight into something we were discussing, I looked around the table to the gaze of some fairly blank stares.
Stares that kind of said "what the hell is he talking about?'.
That is until one specific pair of eyes met mine .
Those eyes were the only ones that really mattered to me as they belonged to the one person who had the ability to do something about the situation we were bantering about.
The look that came back at me was a simple one.
It said "your right....and thank you".
As I said, I don't know everything. 
What I do know is how to be me.
It's pretty simple.
Being me means doing the right thing for the right reasons.

Hanging On, Holding On or Moving On

"Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do"

 ~ Pelé

Hanging on, holding on or moving on.Which is it that I am doing right now?I know it's not hanging on. Hanging on (as in for dear life!) is what I did for years, maybe even decades.Every day seemed to be a struggle for survival.Just getting to the end of each day with out some new catastrophe or calamity was a major accomplishment.That all changed just about 5 years ago. It was in June of 2013 when for whatever reason I decided that it was time to move on. I did not realize it in that moment, however ,I can now look in my rear view mirror and kind of see what and when that happened.Over the next few years,I spent a lot of time and energy moving on from the catabolic existence that had plagued me for so long.I had definite goals:weight loss,getting healthy, working out and of course personal growth.And by all accounts, I did yeoman's job in all of these areas.Then came improving my financial situation. First by adding income sources including my bus driving job, then by slashing and making adjustments to spending and eventually initiating a plan to first reduce and the eliminate my debt levels.Again,moving on.Lately , and this can be viewed as an extended period of time, I feel like I have been just holding on.Every day I go about my business, accomplishing my tasks for that day, but not moving on,in any direction.

I know plenty of people who spend their entire lives doing this.

Going to work,  5 days a week, with the goal of getting to the weekend, just to do it all again the following week. That is until they get their 2 weeks paid vacation.

This is not who I am or what I do or for that matter what I want.

My quandary?

I am not sure what it is that I want.

My mentor Darren Hardy broached this subject coincidentally today.

When you are not sure of where you want to go, you first have to assess whee you are and then plot a course of how to get to your destination. 

First and foremost, you must figure out where you are headed.

Wandering aimlessly is holding on.

It's better than hanging on,running around in circles frantically or worse being paralyzed by inaction.

But it certainly isn't productively moving on

I'm not thrilled being here. I'm bored and getting a bit frustrated. I imagine when that frustration gets to be too much something will change.

I'm not sure if I can just sit around and wait for that to happen.

No............... I'm sure I can't.

Something has to change.

Something has to give.

"The perfect ending to a perfect day"

When I pulled into the parking lot this morning, Francisco, the other bus driver was walking around my bus going through our daily pre trip inspection.
My bus!
On Friday, a tractor trailer clipped the side view mirror of Francisco's bus.
Without the mirror ,that bus is not road worthy.
Obviously, the decision had been made that he would use my bus, which means that I would be behind the wheel of the transit van.
That meant that I would spend the day getting in and out of the cockpit,opening the sliding passenger door for each passenger,pulling out the step and placing it on the ground,helping each passenger on to the van,getting in behind them and buckling them in before exiting the van, picking up the step and placing it back in the van before going back to the driver's side and climbing back in behind the wheel.
This on a day that was destined to soar to the mid 90's with 90% humidity!
Guess which one of the 7 dwarfs I wasn't!!
(Hint....it rhymes with snappy!).
I spent over 4 months from the end November to the beginning of March doing this on a daily basis, 50 - 60 times a day.
I had busted my butt to get my CDL so that I could drive my bus and not have to go through this rigorous routine ever again.
So why was it that I had to give up my bus.
As I said before, I wasn't Happy.
The average, yes average , age of my passengers today was over 90, all with some degree of physical limitations.
Putting the through the challenges of getting in and out of the van was patently unfair as well.
The day was starting out in spectacular fashion.
At some point as I made my way to my first stop, I realized that if I did not find it in myself to embrace the situation, my foul mood would only become a self fulfilling prophecy.
So I slapped on my best smile, pulled myself upright behind the wheel and sallied forth with a new , enthusiastic spirit.
There were plenty of complaints by my patrons.
There were encounters and trials at each stop that I could have met with resistance instead of affability.
Yet I persevered.
The day dragged on relentlessly as if with no end in sight.
We had rigged a temporary solution to the mirror problem on the other bus so by the afternoon run , I was back behind the wheel of my bus.
Before I knew it, I was on the last leg of my final run.
 Pulling into The Colony, a spectacular , upscale complex in Ft. Lee, I was about to drop off my next to the last passenger of the day. 
It was then that my bus began bucking and sputtering. 
I looked at the dash board and saw that my check engine light was glaring at me. So was my oil pressure light and my temperature gauge was maxed out.
I was boiling over.
I dropped my passenger and made it back to the street,barely coasting to the curb.
There I was. Broken down in Ft. Lee with one passenger still left on the bus.
96 degrees ,in an overheated bus,baking in the bright sun.
Out went the S.O.S.
I had an elderly passenger who barely makes it home on a good day without needing a bathroom and any one and every one that could help me ha gone home for the day.
Well to make a long story short,as calmly as possible, I managed to contact the right people, who made all of the right moves.
In less than 30 minutes, I had my passenger on her way home and a tow truck was en route.
Eventually ,(it was rush hour near the base of the George Washington Bridge),the wrecker got to me,we got my bus on the flat bed, and we were on the way to the garage.
It was absolutely the perfect ending to an absolutely perfect day.

Abundance!

 Friday night the entire Flock of Spiegels gathered for our weekly Shabbat dinner.My immediate family was joined by the North side Spiegel clan  (my brother and his family).
It's always special when we all can spend time together. 
I used this gathering to put out a meal that I have been tossing about in my head for a while. 
Basically it was a a vegetarian buffet , with most dishes being served cold.
The prep work was intense , however, setting the meal out was easy since I didn't have to deal with serving anything hot.
As you may have guessed, I did go over board once again.
The table had no less than 15 different dishes.
Don't even ask me about the cost!
Like I said, I went over board.
And that's a good thing!
Shabbat dinner. 
It's the one meal of the week,when I go all out (as much as I can afford to).
For me, it sets this meal, this time apart from the rest of the week.
As Jews we begin Friday night with the Kabalat Shabbat service and we welcome in the Sabbath.
We usher it in and regard the Shabbat as a queen that brings majesty into our midst.
As with the pomp and splendor that accompanies greeting royalty, I want my family's Shabbat dinner to be a truly memorable experience.
The rest of the week left overs are just fine.
Open a couple of cans of tuna and some salad and fixin's and we're good to go.
Shabbat is different.
Shabbat is special.
On Friday night we eat as if we were part of her majesty's royal family.
Abundandly!
Come sit at our table,.
You will want for nothing.
At least one night a week.
Shavua Tov!

No good deed goes unpunished!

 No good deed goes unpunished!
I've heard this said too may times,usually directed at me.
Once again I find myself facing such a conundrum.
The details do not matter here.
The facts are that I offered to help some one out with something and it has turned out to be a bit overwhelming for me.
In fact, it's possibly the biggest stress point in my life right now.
This morning, on this How Am I Doin' Friday, I chose to bite the bullet and begin tackling this situation. 
I never expected things to go south from there, however that is exactly what happened. 
What was stressful and overwhelming when I left the house early this morning quickly deteriorated to unbelievably frustrating and soul crushing.
Eventually , I came to the inevitable conclusion that the best course of action for me today would be to walk away and start again fresh in the morning.
I did not quit. I just put it down for now.
It's Friday. 
That means Shabbat dinner with the family.
Tonight is a "special" Shabbat dinner in that we will gather with my brother's family to celebrate Susan's and my niece Zoe's birthdays this Sunday.
So my choices were, continue frustrating myself and grow increasingly upset or put it aside and turn my attentions towards preparing for this "special" dinner.
Seems like a no brainer to me.
As for the other situation........I can resume that escapade in the morning!
Shabbat Shalom!

One Can Only Hope!

I am hard pressed to write today for a couple of reasons, starting with the fact that I really feel like crap today.
Yesterday was a really good day, the closest I've felt to normal in months.
Today, all of that has vanished. These setbacks are debilitating. 
I don't understand why they happen , they just do.
I am sure that I will eventually adjust to this cycle. It's all kind of new to me.
It has been an unexpectedly busy day so far. While still on the early part of the first leg of my run this morning I received a phone call that the County had cancelled their bus today. This meant rerouting both of our buses, which just changes the dynamic of the day.
The person who normally handles this is on vacation this week so as the "senior" most driver, the powers that be turned to me for input.It felt good to be able to help out and advise.
By the time I parked the bus and handled an errand I had to run, it was 11:30, just enough time to grab some lunch and start to collect myself for the afternoon run.
After checking and answering emails, paying some bills, and taking care of some other business related chores, I found that I had a small window of opportunity to write.While the time was there, my mind is certainly not in the same place. So many thoughts are racing through my head that is is almost impossible to focus or concentrate,never mind being entertainingly creative!
I just felt that I needed to make sure that I engaged in the process of writing.
The process of sitting at the computer and getting words out, any words is akin to a musician practicing scales or an athlete getting in a workout.
Too much time away from a skill set dulls the senses.
Tomorrow is Friday and hopefully, my plate will be clearer and I will be able to engae in some real connecting.
One can only hope!

I'm Back!

Yes , it's been a while since you've heard from me.Technically, the last thing I sent out was last Friday when we finished counting the Omer.
The last time I actually wrote to you was last Wednesday.
To catch up, the mishaps that befell me at the beginning of the week last week, the fall, the storm and the steering wheel debacle, knocked the proverbial crap out of me. 
Just getting through each day was about all I could accomplish. Hence my silence. 
 I'm back now and well on my way to a complete recovery.
Hopefully I've weathered the storm and there will be only clear skies and smooth sailing ahead,at least for the immediate future!
I am a little sad though.
This past weekend we celebrated the holiday Shavuot, one of the 3 biblical festivals, the other 2 being Sukkot and Passover. 
I should correct myself in that I really did not celebrate the holiday at all. 
And that is what is saddening me. Not so much that I didn't celebrate, rather that I am not saddened about not celebrating.
I actually made some very clear and conscious choices in deciding to other things in lieu of observing the holiday as I normally would.
 I didn't go to shul.
I didn't participate in the all night learning session on Saturday night.
We did not have a festive holiday meal.
We did not light candles, either the holiday candles or the yahrzeit (remembereance ) candles.
I did not attend services for Yizkor, the prayers where we remember those who are no longer with us.
And all of these things that I did not do were a direct consequence of choices I made. 
On Saturday, after helping out at the shop,my body was shot. I chose to rest and take care of myself instead of dragging myself to the tikkun  (the all night learning).
On Sunday, since I had the day off, I chose to accompany Susan on her visit to her parents. Since my work schedule changed a few months ago, I have not been able to do that with her. I thought it would be nice to visit with them as well as keeping my wife company.
On Monday, Susan had a number of medical appointments. I chose to keep her company, serve as her chauffeur, and support as we drove nearly 100 miles seeing 3 doctors starting out at 7:30 in the morning. Her last appointment finished up just before 4, when I had to meet up with Becca and tend to some things with her.  
So on my day off I left the house at 7:30 in the morning and did not return home until after 8 pm.
I chose to do all of this.
I also chose to not observe the holiday as I might have in the past or as "they" say one should.
Simply,"They" don't have a clue as to what I believe to be important today.
I am also pretty sure HE understands.

Lucky or.........?

Either I am the luckiest guy in the world or The Universe is sending me a message to pay attention.
Over the last few day, starting with my fall on Monday night, I have some how managed to remain unscathed from what could have been some very dangerous  incidents.
The aches and pains of Monday night's fall are much better today.
On Tuesday, as I was finishing up my last run of the day, I found myself driving east. The skies were grey and in the distance I could see patches of blue.
However when I looked in my rear view mirror, there was nothing but black in the sky.
This did not bode well for my return to the lot to park my bus for the evening. In a matter of minutes, trees were bending almost to the ground from the high winds. Things started flying through the air.
First leaves, then twigs, then branches, then limbs. As I was about to cross the last major intersection on the final leg of my run, the glare of brake lights popped up as if from no where.
As I turned left on to the main road to avoid running into these stopped vehicles, I caught a glimpse of a massive tree as it fell across the road. I heard today that it crushed a car,. Fortunately no one was badly hurt.
Twice in 2 days luck seemed to be on my side.
Then today, as I circled around to pick up the last of my passengers for my morning run,the third and probably the scariest event. 
Somehow, as I was making a left turn, my hand slipped off of and then through the steering wheel of the bus.As I tried to pull it back, it became lodged in the steering wheel.
I could not extricate my arm. I was in mid turn and could not get my hand out, nor could I turn the wheel to straighten out the bus.
Nothing like this has ever happened to me. 
I was able to apply the brakes,put the bus in park with my left hand and eventually after much pulling, twisting and tugging set myself free.
SCARY!
Lucky? 
Definitely!
On guard?
Absolutely!
The Universe has both a) spared me and b)sent me a message. 
And trust me, I plan to pay attention to it!

Help I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

 Help I've fallen and I can't get up!
Yep, that was me last night.
Just like the woman in the commercial, here I was sprawled out on the bathroom floor.
Our slop sink in the laundry had overflowed. After cleaning up the water that was all over the floor, I stripped down and headed off to take a shower.
What I didn't realize is that the water had made its way into the bathroom. The minute my foot hit the wet tile .......whammo!
I went down like a ton of bricks.
My left knee slammed on the ground. My right leg was bent in a very awkward position. 
My right shoulder slammed on the wall and then the floor and my head whip lashed like I was on a roller coaster.
I screamed as I went down causing Susan to come running.
There I was sprawled naked as the day I was born, face down on the cold wet tile floor.
She asked if I thought I could get up.
My response was "eventually".
After a couple of minutes of regaining my composure and assessing any immediate damage o my being, I pulled myself towards the toilet and used it as an aide to get first to my knees and then stand up, using the sink to brace myself as well.
How I missed hitting my head or face on either of those fixtures on my way down is beyond me. 
Call me lucky!
Today is certainly the morning after.
Everything and I mean everything is hurting.

Thankfully , it's all just achy and with time and rest (ha!) it will pass.
Crisis avoided.
Lesson learned!

Too Big, Too Strong!

There have often been times when I have felt left out or overlooked. Situations come up where I am puzzled as to why I was not included,consulted , invited or asked to participate. For the longest time , I believed that there was something wrong with me.
Maybe people dislike me.
Maybe people just tend to overlook me.
Maybe they feel that I have little or nothing to add to the equation.
When these things happen I am always left asking "what's wrong with me?"
Recently, I have been able to view some of this from a completely different vantage point. 
I mentioned feeling marginalized a week ago.
Being marginalized has afforded me the opportunity to remain slightly connected while still at arms length.
This has allowed me to have an eagle's eye view of many of these relationships and happenstances.
It has given me a completely different understanding of what I now believe is the case in more situations than not.
The fear factor.
Not my fears, other peoples fears.
David is too big (not in size,in presence).
David is too strong (not physically but in character and conviction).
David is too smart (not that I know everything but maybe someone else's short comings are being protected).
There are a lot of people who I have come across in life that are flat out intimidated by what I bring to the table.
They fear losing their control over something.
They fear that they might not measure up.
They fear that others involved might actually respect me, like my input or assistance or enjoy having me around, somehow diminishing their own position.
Fear and insecurity.
Many years ago, when I first entered the adult work force, the owner of the organization I worked for cautioned me.
"The king doesn't have to tell anyone that he's the king." 
42 years later I am beginning to understand his message more than I ever .
In the History of the World ,Part 1 ,Mel Brooks remarks "It's good to be the king!"
I'm not so sure. In fact, it's often lonely being a king.
"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown"Shakespeare:Henry IV, Part 2.
Like it or not, we are who we are!

A Pretty Good Day,All Things Considered!

 Another How Am I Doing Friday has come and gone without me writing. 
That was a good thing.
Not that I don't love writing to you. 
I actually had a really good,mindlessly productive day.
The day started out the same way as most days do lately,dreading to move and get out of bed.
And like most days, that first hour or so was enough to make me question just how much I might be able to actually accomplish for the day.
We had the entire family coming for Shabbat dinner and I had no idea what I was serving.
We have the no carb people and the no meat people and the no cold foods people and the only carb people and the ones who think anything green must be moldy.
It's always a challenge which becomes even more so as you add more mouths.
Once I cleared my overnight inbox, I felt enough relief to set about getting dinner stuff.
 First a trip to the butcher. 
Then a stop at the market. 
After a quick stop to exchange something at Kohls, I came home and started dinner preparations. 
I spent an hour cutting up produce that needed to get into either the oven or crock pot.
Then an hour while the veggies that required roasting were in the oven.
I could have used that hour to write , instead I chose to straighten up after myself and clean the kitchen, putting away as much as I could.
It really makes a difference when I work neatly.
Once the veggies were done, it was off to walk Sara's dogs, a trip to the chiropractor , yet one more trip to the market and green grocer and then home to finish preparing for dinner. 
With Max's help I set up tables to accommodate not only all of our guests ,but all of the dishes that I would be serving (this is always a challenge!).
There were a total of  16 side dishes, the main protein and an appetizer of soup as well as fresh veggies to go with the humus at each end of the table.
The colors of the dishes on the table were amazing. 
I think every color palette imaginable was represented.
Before I knew it, it was 5:45 which is the beginning of go time. 
Anything that need heating up gets turned on. Plating of cold dishes gets done next. 
Dinner was called for 6:30, so I had a couple minutes to sit and regroup before setting everything out. 
At around 6:15 , I began putting the food out. 
First the room temperature dishes , then the cold dishes.
I held off on the hot.
Everyone was mostly on time and after a few minutes of hellos hugs and other greetings we sat down at the table.
Candles were lit. 
Then Kiddush ( Google it!).
Then Motzi....(yep Google again) .
And then a champagne toast to the newly engaged couple, the home from college folks and the birthday boy.
As everyone had soup I put out the hot dishes , leaving absolutely no room for anything else on the table.
By 8 o'clock our guests were all gone. 
By nine, the dishes were done, tables and chairs put away and the house was pretty much back to normal.
For a day that started out without a plan or even a clue as to what I wanted to accomplish or how I was going to get it done, it turned out to be an amazingly productive and some how relaxing one.
All in all an absolutely great way to end the week .
Shabbat Shalom!

Happy Birthday Eliot!

May 10th!. 
It's my brother's birthday.
It's funny the things we remember.
Like my parents having a conversation one night .
While my sister and I sat in the kitchen eating dinner, my parents were talking in the living room, speaking in Yiddish which they would do when they didn't want us to know something. 
I never learned the language , however I was able to pick up enough to allow me to turn to my sister and say "I think Mommy is having a baby".
That was in the late fall. Next thing I knew it was Mother's day and the entire family went out to dinner to a place called Ben's Hungarian restaurant. 
It was up in Rockland county. 
The service was awful.
We sat around waiting for our meals forever. 
I remember we were a big party, but I can't recall who was there. 
Fast forward 24 hours and my parents took off for NY. 
The baby was coming.
I was 10 1/2.
Mona was 7 1/2.
We had no baby sitter.
Dad said if we need anything go down to the McSweeney's. 
I laid on the couch watching t,v.
I remember watching Johnathan Winters. 
He did a sketch on a baseball pitcher .
Eventually I fell asleep.
The next thing I knew, my dad was waking me to tell me to go to bed.
He said I had a new baby brother.
And that was that.
Happy Birthday El!
I hope you are having another awesome day!

What Was That All About?

 I have no idea why yesterday became such a boil over day for me.
I am sure starting out with my greater than usual back pain had some thing to do with it.
I also know that whatever it was, it was probably something else.
Confusing?
Not really.
Along the way on my Journey , I have discovered that when I get as uncomfortable in so many different aspects of my life as I was yesterday, it's probably a sign that I need to pay attention to something.
They say (who ever they are) that we are the average of the 5 relationships that we spend the most time with. 
If you want a better life, hang out with better people. 
I find that to be absolutely true.
Unfortunately, the 3 people I spend the most time with are me, myself and I.
Not exactly the standard bearers that will help me become a better me !
I did hear from a couple of people who had some thoughts around my rantings.
One dear friend suggested that the guy in the mirror was A-Okay in her book.
Now that's a person who if I could spend more time with I know would be that standard bearer who would make a difference in my life. Unfortunately, the 3000 miles between us puts a damper on the amount of time we can spend together.
Another friend suggested that it sounds like I am ill at ease with the changes in my relationship with my adult children. again, great insight and again, geographic limitations denies any real time together.
A 3rd voice from yet another friend and colleague, made it abundantly clear that having a circle of "better" people around me would in fact be a plus for me.
The truth is I have become a bit solitary.
I drive my bus. 
I run errands.
I make dinners.
I go to bed and when I get up, I repeat the a fore mentioned tasks.
Not exactly inspirational!
I have some tasks that I perform which support some of my business interests. Most of them are fairly mundane and at best marginally important.
Being marginalized is certainly no way to grow.
Actually being marginalized kind of sucks!
One thing I know about myself is that it is my nature to be a farmer.
I see a plot of of land and I immediately want to know what I can grow on it.
It's said that idle hands are the devil's workshop. Surely the devil was in me yesterday.Coincidentally,in today's Darren Daily, my mentor has encouraged me to "act now".
He reminded me of the Eleanor Roosevelt quote "do something that scares you every day".
It's time to shake off the rust and mildew and clean up my act.
I have a colleague on the west Coast who has an opportunity that is worth perusing.
Today, I will push him on that. It's either a yes or no. 
Either way, today we address it.
There must be other such opportunities out there. What ever they are or where ever they are, now is the time to start tilling the soil.
If I want to be outstanding in my field (yes that's what farmers are!), I have to start by tilling the soil!

Grey Skies

Today has started out as one of those "I hate the World" days.
I seem to be annoyed at every thing and every one.
I hate the traffic on the roads.
I hate the people driving (too aggressively) in the cars that are congesting the roads.
I seem to be mad at just about everything.
Okay so I don't actually hate any of them. 
What I am feeling is angry. 
And disappointed.
And frustrated.
And abandoned.
And let down.
And unfulfilled. 
And uninspired.
And disenchanted.
And sad. 
And alone.
I actually have a petty good idea whee all of this stems from. 
Yeah.....you guessed right........the guy in the mirror.

What a Difference A Day Makes (part 3)

 You do realize that I have 3 kids ?
In part 1 of What a Difference a Day Makes I wrote about what Max has accomplished over the last 42 months. In part 2 I blathered on about Sara's Journey ,which probably spanned the same time period, possibly a bit longer.
Did you really think I would leave Becca out of this picture?
Not happening!
So we go back a little further in time, to like 2010, when Becca declared that she had no plans to go to college.
Basically, she had no plans at all.This is why she chose to not go into debt acquiring a B.S.degree ( yes b.s. in this case means bull shit) .
She saw others that she knew graduating with loans that were choking,them taking jobs that they didn't want or like.
She saw this as dumb and quite honestly, I agreed 100%.
After graduating from High School she was free to spend 3 months in the U.K. with me, helping to set up and run a Halloween store. 
When we came home, she kicked around a few different jobs, always gainfully employed, eventually winding up taking a part time job bathing dogs at a grooming shop.
To make ends meet she continued with her part time child care job as well.
30 months ago, she and I sat and talked about the possibility of opening a shop of our own.
2 years ago today The Grooming Shoppe opened its doors for business.
What a difference a day makes!
(or in this case 2 years).
Late Friday night , Becca and I went back to decorate the shop to mark this occasion. 
Last year, Sara ,Max and I did this as a surprise for Susan and Becca.
This year, Becca and I continued the tradition.
As we went about hanging things and putting out balloons, I remarked that a year before when we did this we had 1 groomer,1 table.
A year later the shop has a second table ,and a second groomer.
The shop also underwent a minor face lift as we had reconfigured the space , changing the feng shui .
The new shade in the front window,you know the one which she so adamantly opposed,has also been a great addition. 
Last June, after 5 years she found herself without her part time child care job. The kids had grown up (they do that you know!)
As scary as not having that income may have been, Becca took charge of her situation and put all of her efforts into making sure that the shop flourished.
1 year later, by any measurable standard,The Grooming Shoppe is doing just that....Flourishing!
3 kids. 
3 different Journeys.
One amazingly proud father!
Shavua Tov!

What Am I Missing?

My daughter Sara got engaged this past weekend. Since then I have received many many notes, emails, texts, phone calls and other sorts of congratulatory messages.
All are warmly appreciated and unbelievably wonderful.
However, there is a however to all of this. People keep asking me "are you excited?" and "are you happy?".
This has become a bit of a challenge for me.
Excited?
 If I were to answer without filtering myself I would say NO!
I am sure that Sara will understand what I mean here,what is it that should be exciting ME in all of this?
Patrick has been around for quite some time now. He is as much a part of the Flock of Spiegels as he can possibly be. He is a fixture at our Shabbat dinners and is always a part of anything we do as family.
So for me , other than 1 more time I will have to fret about how I look in a suit or photographs, life has not changed one bit.
As far as HAPPY?
If you know anything about me the one thing you have heard a million times is that HAPPY is a choice, a choice we make every minute of every day.
Events do not MAKE us HAPPY....we choose to be HAPPY.
So you see where I am having some consternation around this. 
Am I doing something wrong?
Am I missing something?
Is there some experience in this that has eluded me?I understand Mazel Tov!
I can deal with congratulations!
Questions about how I am feeling  are way to confusing for me.
I guess I don't understand how I am supposed to be feeling. 
Kind of sucks for me!

Nostalgia!

May Word of the Month:

Nostalgia

"a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations."

Nostalgia......it's such a feel good word. The moment you hear the word it summons warm memories. Like your favorite blanket, the word seems to envelop and comfort you.

It's like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day.

It's also the apex of the slippery slope.

All too often , it is easy to get hing up on nostalgia.

 The good old days.

The "I remember when a loaf of bread cost a dime" days.

 The remember when days. 

I am not sure which slippery slope is more treacherous, the head in the sand or the good old days one.

One thing is for certain, if you spend too much time in either place I will never get to where I am going.

(Wherever that may be?)

Every now and then, it certainly is nice to reminisce.

To remember and recall past exploits and accomplishments. It's wonderful when I have the chance to recount tales of days gone by.

Living in them and yearning to return to them is an impossibility.

For good or for bad, the good old days helped make me who I am today.

If I spend all of my time looking back at them,I have absolutely no chance of finding what lies ahead of me.

Nostalgia. 

It's a pretty word.

And like a pretty flower, it's better to appreciate it and then leave it untouched.