Ft. Nonsense

"Dwelling on negative thoughts is like fertilizing weeds. "

-Norman Vincent Peale

Here in New Jersey, there are 4 sights that make up The Morristown National Park.One of the sights is Ft. Nonsense.

The often cited story is that to keep his troops engaged and out of trouble, General Washington had his army construct this fort.A more factual analysis shows that often a smaller fort would be built near a larger encampment in case a retreat became necessary.

In response to my quandary of functional vs. purposeful, I enlisted my troops yesterday to help with my version of Ft. Nonsense.

With the help of a small army of 4, I spent the better part of the afternoon into evening rearranging our family room.Everything on the left side of the room is now on the right side of the room and everything that once was on the right side of the room has been moved to the left side of the room.

To be honest, I had been contemplating a change for a while now. After the first year of living with the post renovation room format,I had grown increasingly uncomfortable with the flow of the set up.

With the addition of 2 new pet guinea pigs and the enormously oversized cage that I bought for them, it was time for a change.

The project was a huge success. The great room looks even greater.

Without losing any of the furniture or fixtures,the room is feels much more spacious .

In this case, both function and purpose were addressed, which makes me very happy.

There are of course some challenges with the new setup. For instance, for the last 25 years or so, when entering my desk area,I have always approached my chair from the right. In the new configuration , I now enter from the left. After a few more episodes of banging my knee, I am sure I will get the hang of it.

Functional and purposeful.

It's grand when my life has meaning!

May Word of the Month

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

 -Winston Churchill

May Word of the Month

FUNCTIONAL

1.of or having a special activity, purpose, or task;

relating to the way in which something works or operates.

2.designed to be practical and useful, rather than attractive.

I know ,May is just about over and June is right around the corner.

So why am I first offering up my May Word of the Month now?

That answer is easy.

Until this morning ,I just didn't have a word that seemed appropriate or resonated for me.

When I choose my word of the month, it is usually a word that has some connection to what is going on in my life.

It has a purpose.

During this quarantine, I feel like less and less of what I do is purposeful and more and more is functional.

What's the difference, you may ask?

Purposeful has meaning. Functional has a practical feel about it.

Confused?

I was also for most of the month.

Functional feels like a placeholder to me. Purposeful is much more energetic.

Nowadays, I wake up.I go to work. I deliver meal. I come home. I make lunch. I write. I deal with emails.I make dinner. I watch some television. I go to bed. I start over in the morning.

This is pretty much my life. Day in and day out. Functional not purposeful.

I appreciate functional.

I desire purposeful.

Therein is the rub!

Shavua Tov!

My choice this time

“Don't be afraid of change because it is leading you to a new beginning.”

 -Joyce Meyer

It was early in the morning of August 19th,1996 when I was awakened by the unmistakable sound of a diesel truck backing up outside of our bedroom window.

At 2 in the morning,you can pretty much guess that it wasn't a garbage truck.

Indeed it was a tow truck here to repo our car.

Having been unemployed for a number of months at that point,we had exhausted any potential escape routes to this inevitability.

The date sticks in my head because it happens to be our wedding anniversary.

That year, we would celebrate this day with a trip to motor vehicle to register the 8 year old Lincoln Town Car with 200,000 miles on it ,that was sitting on our driveway.

Our anniversary luncheon was at the coffee truck in the DMV parking lot.We celebrated the day together as a family,me Susan and 3 small children ages 4,6 & 8.

Once we registered the vehicle, we picked up my parents as well and had yet another celebratory meal ....a pizza and a not so local pizza parlor.

It was not a fun day. It was another new low point in for me,something that unfortunately was not a unique experience.

Once again I had let me family down.

Once again I had failed.

Once again, I felt the shame of not being good enough.

The only choice was to pick myself up and start rebuilding.

Soon after we picked up a second used car for $200 .

For the next number of years, one clunker was replaced by a slightly better clunker.

Eventually we were able to buy a better car and not long after that we qualified for a lease.

No matter what I drove, it was imperative to me that Susan and the kids had a sound vehicle.

So why am I sharing this bit of "tragic" history with you today?

I am sitting here waiting for a tow truck to come and pick up Susan's car.

No, it's not being repoed.

The lease was up 2 months ago and after weeks of quarantine I made the choice to turn it in.

Turn it in and not replace it.

We have 3 cars that just sit most of the time lately.

I drive to work early in the morning and return home well before Susan has to head out to work.

I have no where to go once I am home and if I did we Max's car is sitting on the driveway.

He is now unemployed and has less need of a vehicle than any of us.

Even if by some miracle of miracles, he found a job tomorrow, we would still be able to make the 2 cars suffice.

Turning in Susan' lease was a choice.A very smart and financially sound choice.

I am currently on half pay. Max's unemployment as well as my own remain in limbo.

Not spending money on a lease ans well as saving money not having to insure it is a no brainer.

This will not last forever.

Nor will it change tomorrow.

When it becomes truly uncomfortable, I will know it's time to get another vehicle.

For now,I am okay to sit here and wait to hear that diesel engine pull up in front of my house.

Having a choice is a much better, way different experience than being a victim.

And this time I don't feel like a failure.

Shabbat Shalom!

Thanks for bringing this to my attention

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

 -Anais Nin

Over the last 24 hours I have heard from 3 different friends who happen to read my stuff on a daily basis.

Each of them expressed some concern that my writing has taken a turn of late.

As one dear friend and fraternity brother pointed out"

I am reaching out to you because I have not seen negativity come from you ........ever. Therefore, I sense that you feel life is pummeling you.  

This is kind of what I heard from my two other friends as well.

My response is.......thanks for bringing this to my attention.

I have been feeling dark.

I have been feeling defeated.

I have given up hope.

And that's just not who I am.

Yes, I am frustrated.

Yes,I am feeling as if I have no control over the circumstances surrounding my life.

Yes, the creative side of me,the biggest side of me,is at a complete standstill .

I am really tired of NO!

Hanging on,waiting and idly sitting by are not my strongest attributes!

I am a big believer in "DO SOMETHING!"

Yesterday's accomplishments are there for one purpose and one purpose only......to be built upon.

It is time for "What's next!".

I do appreciate my friends for shining a light on how I am showing up.

Thanks again for bringing this to my attention.

And my attention is what this situation will now have to deal with!

 “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.” 

– Brené Brown

Growing up in the Cold War Era, there was this ever present cloud of having to deal with The A-Bomb.

It was a part of the culture of the day. In school we had drills as to what to do "in case of ".

Every spy movie of the day had the world being threatened by the Russians or some Soviet actor, plotting to launch the doomsday device.

Often,in school , we were asked to write compositions on topics such as "if you could take 1 item with you to the bombshelter,what would it be".Or,"if you could be stuck in a bomb shelter with one person,who would you choose".

We were obsessed with The Bomb and Bomb shelters and the paranoia that came with the Cold War.

And there was always the scenario of who survived?

Often, it was a story about 2 congruent civilizations. Those who made it into the shelters and those who survived on the surface.

I have a funny feeling that I am reliving my childhood.

This time however, the cataclysmic event is the Coronavirus,not the A-Bomb.

When we are all finally allowed to return to t

"the surface",the aftermath may very well look like the science fiction of the morning after atomic bomb scenarios.

There will be those who choose to remain cloistered away fearing that it just isn't safe.

There will be some that will choose extreme levels of caution,continuing to choose social distancing,masks, gloves and other "safe " practices. And then there will be those of us who grab our tool boxes and set about trying to rebuild the devastation.

This new multi-faceted civilization will by it's very nature,pit individuals from these disparate groups against each other. It will be the Maskies vs. The Nostrils!

The Germfree vs. The Contaminators. The Pure vs. The Pyrias.

I've seen the beginnings of this already. Mask shaming will be a real thing.

Hang on folks.....this will get worse before it gets better!

When the smiles go away

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

 -Henri Nouwen

Last night I received a text from a co-worker.

"Sad news"

"Helen passes away".

It was sad news.

Working with the age group that I do,it's not uncommon,always sad,never a shock anymore and rarely do I get that upset when I hear about a loss.

It is a fact of life that I have come to accept.

Helen, who has been a passenger on my bus for 3 plus years lived a long life.

During the first 2 1/2 years that I knew her, she always had a smile.

Not without the challenges of dementia, she still had a smile that could light up a room.Often,for no reason at all, she would look at you,sing something in Yiddish and then smile that smile.

It made my day.

A few months ago, Helen became ill and missed a few months on the bus. when she returned,she was now in a wheelchair, mostly because she had become so weak and frail.

Her physical decline was not as disturbing as the absence of her smile.

It had literally vanished.

In its place was this look of fear.

It was unrelenting and unnerving.

It was all I could think about last night when I got the news.

Helen had lost her smile,not unlike so many others I have lost over the years.

When the smile goes,it is replaced by an sadness in the eyes.

I am not sure what is behind that sadness.

sorrow?

Fear?

Pain (emotional not physical)?

Confusion?

I don't know.

What I do know is that it is there and does not go away until......

It saddens me when I see those empty sad eyes.

I am constantly on guard.

On guard against the day when the smiles go away.

Just a Gigolo

 "The best way out is through"

~ Robert Frost

I'm sure you are familiar with the song Just a Gigolo.You may be a fan of the David Lee Roth/Van Halen version or the Louis Prima offering. Both are upbeat,swing style renderings of this classic.

Did you know that this is actually a very sad song?

It was actually written sometime around 1930 and tells the story of  the social collapse experienced in Austria after World War I. The story is about a young soldier ,who after the war, finds that the only way he can earn a living is to hire himself as a dance partner, a gigolo.

Okay David, thanks for the lesson in music history.

Actually, I am afraid that this is a portend of things to come.

Once this quarantine is lifted,most people will eventually return to their jobs. Slowly the economy will pick up and life will begin to appear normal. There will however be those that will find that the jobs that they once held no longer exist. The companies that they once worked for are gone.

The position in life that they had attained has vanished.

We may be one of those people.

Or it may be a spouse or child, or sibling or friend.

None of us will be untouched by this epidemic (the aftermath not the virus!).

Some of us will be deemed too old to hire.

Others will find that there just aren't jobs.

Still many more will find that all of their prior experience and training are virtually worthless.

There will be,I'm afraid, an abundance of gigolos searching for dance partners. There is nothing upbeat and lighthearted about that.

The pandemic was frightening.

The fallout I fear will horrifying!

Shavua Tov!