Demolition Continues!

"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."

Swami Sivananda

Demolition continues!

I am not letting the fact that my sister has yet to move out deter me from moving forward with my plans for the front room of our house.A room she has occupied for over 5 1/2 years now.

Let's see....Max turns 30 this year so basically it was almost 3 decades ago that I decided to add a family room on to the back of our house (the room that we redid this Summer) and turn what had been our living room into a extra bedroom,my current project.

A few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to repurpose that room once again. No contractor this time.This is your basic do it yourself ,weekend warrior project.

Over the course of a couple of weekends in January, I removed the closet that I built sometime around the turn of the millenium and the wall that cordoned off the space,circa early 1990's.

Today's project includes reopening the doorway leading to that room.

It's unbelievable that taking out the 8" of wall that needed to come down has taken over 4 hours.Well worth the effort as Susan will now be able to see what it is that I have been trying to get her to visualize for weeks now.

I also started taking up the old tile floor that we put down 25 years ago.It has to be chipped away bit by bit with a hand axe. Much to my surprise,we found that there are actually 4 layers of tile. Some yellowish brown layer,underneath a grey layer,topped by a red brick colored layer and ultimately the black and white checkerboard effect that Susan thought would go so well with the 4 walls that were each painted with a different primary color when the kids were in elementary school.

When I am done with the floor, I will also tear open the front wall where we once had and soon will have again ,a picture window.

As a bedroom, I thought a simple 48"x 42"casement would be more appropriate. Now,some 30 years later,it will once again be opened up to let the Sun shine in through 2 double hungs flanking a picture window,approximately 108" x 60" in total.

This project will take months to complete.One thing I have come to understand during this process.It is easier to build new than to rebuild around what exists.

Sounds like some sort of life lesson!

Shabbat Shalom!

Falling Forward

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."

~ Rosa Parks

Falling forward. You know what I mean. You are walking along and suddenly your toe catches on a crack in the sidewalk or a root coming up through the ground. Your entire body lurches forward and you stumble completely out of control,all the while moving in a forward direction.

This is exactly how the last few months of my life have felt like.

Completely out of control yet constantly moving forward.

I suppose the good news is I haven't fallen flat on my face.

More good news is that my stumbling and bumbling has been forward,which in my view is always a good thing.

With that said, there has not been anything comfortable about any of this.

Nor has it been enjoyable.

As a matter of fact, besides being frustrating,it has been quite exhausting .

To be completely honest, I don't know exactly how to steady myself.

There have been moments when I actually have hoped that I would in fact just fall and hit the ground.Maybe that would afford me the opportunity to gather myself and get my wits about me and begin to move forward with purposefully.

Seriously, these last few weeks and months have been exhausting with little to show for the expended energy.

It's now almost 5 pm on a Friday afternoon. One of the rare Fridays I have had to kind of catch up.

My hopes are it is the first of many.

Maybe it will turnout to be the day hat the stumbling and bumbling comes to an end. Maybe when I start my day tomorrow it will be with the confidence and conviction that will ultimately allow me to find that purposefulness in my life once again.

One can only hope!

Shabbat Shalom!

Now I get it

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

Thomas A. Edison

Now I get it.

I love to write to you. Often, it is the highlight of my day. so why is it that I so frequently skip doing this?

Very simply,s#!t happens. I leave the house well before 7 each day. Before long,stuff just starts popping up. In my head , the noise starts. It begins as a low drone that builds and builds and builds. Before I know it the noise level is cacophonous. My thoughts and attention are being pulled in 100 different directions. when I finally do get to sit in front of my computer, my mind is racing at 100 miles an hour. The quiet place which I so long for is unattainable.My mind can barely be still for a minute or 2 never mind clear my head to allow myself the luxury of some truly reflective time.

I get myself worked up over the fact that I am not writing which only serves to increase the anxiety and anxiousness.

Now I get it. Writing in this place and space is not possible.

Finding that place is my challenge. At least I now understand the why of it all. Now to come up with the how.

Managing My Expectations

"Ambition, fueled by compassion, wisdom and integrity, is a powerful force for good that will turn the wheels of industry and open the doors of opportunity for you and countless others."

Zig Ziglar

Just about every Sunday morning for the last three decades or more, I have coffee with my cousin. We use that time to catch up, check in and ponder what's next.Over the years we have incorporated walks in the park, trips to the gym and even some grocery shopping. The one constant has been the chat over a cup of coffee.Remarkably, there is always some nugget of insight that sticks with me from these conversations.Today was no different.While chatting about this that and the other thing today, in a very matter of fact way, the phrase "managing expectations" came up.

Fascinating!

Absolutely fascinating!

I should probably add this to my course curriculum for would be entrepreneurs.Actually, it applies to just about everyone, however, I happen to love working with the aforementioned group.

Mostly, I should probably use this in my personal life first. I actually use this quite a bit without realizing that I am doing it.

(ooops! Just looked at the clock.....gotta go drive the bus...I'll be back)

Okay. I'm back.

Thankfully stepping away from my desk actually brought some clarity to the concept of managing my expectations.Managing my expectations is completely different than lowering them.

Opportunity remains as it has always been.Limitless!

Expectations, specifically in the immediate moment, are more finite.

As Lao Tzu reminds us, "The Journey of a thousand miles MUST,begin with a single step."

I never want to lower my expectations. I still have and continue to pursue my BHAG's (Big Hairy Audacious Goals) .

Understanding that I will only achieve them by accomplishing the next step in the process is key to managing my expectations and ultimately determining my level of success.

Dreams will remain only dreams unless there is an action plan.

Once the steps of that plan are carefully laid out,any dream can become reality.

It just takes some effort. Effort which includes managing my expectations.

Shavua Tov!

I could be...........

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.”

John Lennon

There are a lot of things I could be doing today. There probably are a bunch of things I should be doing today.Instead , I have made the conscious choice to not deal with them . Instead I am doing somethings I want to do.I want to take a step back and survey the landscape,evaluate where I am and prioritize what I will handle next.I want to write to you so I am. I want to not feel pressured so I am stepping back a bit.I want to feel settled so I am not adding anything that puts extra demands on my time, resources or energies.This is where I am today. It's a bit of a resting place,not a place I intend to reside in for a long period. It's just the place I want to be in for the moment.In his message of the day yesterday, my mentor Darren Hardy spoke about being comfortable being uncomfortable. While I understand and agree with the concept, there are moments in time when I realize that I have been uncomfortable for way too long. Looking back over the last few weeks and months, I see a long trail of discomfort. I am okay with all of it. That's what has gotten me to this point. Sara's wedding is behind me. The challenges of the Grooming shoppe have righted themselves. The normal chaos of the holiday season and the end of the year have passed. Winter is here and although weeks away, a new Spring is just around the corner.The project I have been working on is entering what should be its final stages and my role is now hands off.

So before I go charging blindly into whatever is next, I am choosing to stand with my hands on my side, taking a deep breath and allowing myself this moment.Not exactly a flannel pajama, pint of ice cream,wearing my bathrobe day. Just a day where I can just be without the pressures that admittedly I often heap on myself.

How long will I stay here? Not very if I have to take a guess. For now, this feels good and I plan to take full advantage of my decision to be here.It feels comfortable today,and that is an unfamiliar feeling for me.It's nice.....for now,however short lived that may be.

Word of the Month January 2020

"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."

Brian Tracy

January Word of the Month

HONESTY

1 adherence to the facts 

: fairness and straightforwardness of conduct

Quite often I hear from friends who take some time out of their busy days to read my emails.One of the comments I have heard time and time again is that they appreciate how open and honest I am when I write.I hear comments ranging from thanks for sharing to thanks for putting that out there and I wish I had said that. At times I have even received a TMI!I love it!

The truth of the matter is there are often times when I feel like I am being less than honest or less than forthcoming. There are a number of topics that I always try and stay away from. You know the ones that you are warned never to discuss at the Thanksgiving dinner table. I am more than comfortable keeping those opinions to myself.My concern over my lack of candor comes more from things about my life that I haven't shared with you. Some are minor and petty and serve little or no purpose so I rarely bring them up. There are a few, a small few, that are major happenings in my world, yet for some unknown reason I have chosen to keep to myself.In retrospect, I am not sure if mentioning them would have been me just griping and grousing or if in fact,putting them out in the open would be an opportunity for change.I am starting to believe that maybe I am doing myself a disservice by holding these back.In the words of Justice Louis Brandeis"Sunlight is the best disinfectant".Trust me, there are more than a few areas of my life that could use a good cleaning!

I kind of hinted around one yesterday when I mentioned the work that we started on the house last week. I received a number of texts and emails congratulating me on my sister finally moving out.For those of you who are not privy to what I am talking about,over 5 years ago, I opened my house up to my sister. Plain and simple,she was homeless.What seemed like the only honorable thing to do at that time has not quite worked out as I had hoped. While I assumed that giving her a safe space to get healthy,regroup ,and recuperate would be a launching point for her,she has chosen a different path.The strain that this has put on my family and my relationships is unimaginable.My enabling has alienated dozens of people in my life. It has reached the breaking point. Deadline after deadline for her to leave have come and gone. We have agreed that the end of the month is the end. We've been here before.The difference this time is that I am not waiting to move on. Hence, the wall to her room has started to come down. By the end of the month, the room as it now is, will not exist. I must move on,and so must she.

So there you have it. An honest accounting and after all Honest is the best policy!

Keepin' Busy

 "The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."

~ Thomas Jefferson

Last time I wrote to you I mentioned that I am dealing with living in the meantime while waiting for a project that I am involved in to catch up to me.Until it does,the meantime is where I am at.

Let me share with you that there are lots of things that still need tending to during the meantime. It has been non-stop over the last few days,including a new home remodeling project.After 27 plus years,I am tearing down the wall I put up to create an extra bedroom.What started out as our living room,became a nursery and eventually a bedroom.At one point it became a playroom and then back to a bedroom as the kids got older. 5 years ago,it was going to become a reading room/office space before my sister found herself homeless.Since then,it has been her refuge. That is coming to an end and it is time to reclaim that space for our use and enjoyment.So this past Saturday, 3/4's if the wall came down. I have always loved demolition. It's the first step on the way to a new place.Not wanting to turn the entire house upside down and creating a huge mess while I am away this weekend,I chose to limit the chaos by not tearing out the entire wall. In two weeks, I will be back at it and tear out the remaining wall as well as the closet that is behind it.

After that it will be deep breath time!There is a floor to be put down,windows to be replaced and possibly reopening of what used to be our front door. All in good time. There is and will be no rush to get this done.Target date?Early Spring.For now,the plan is to limit the debris and disruption in the house,which is easier said than done.

Susan is not a fan of change. At least not until the project is done.In this instance, the idea of losing our long overstayed house guest and a return to normalcy has made these anticipated changes more bearable to her.You know.....in the meantime!