The Gift That Keeps On Giving

"  Building a successful business and life warrants setting aside time to identify the bigger picture of what you want." 

~ MaryEllen Tribby 

The mini vacation that we took this week seems to be the gift that keeps on giving.

As it is with any Journey,one step leads to the next and then another and another and another.

So it has been for me over the last few days. 

The tiny respite from what had become "normal" has paved the way for me to head out in a different direction,one that so far has consisted of one positive change after another.

First it was a Sunday where instead of driving my bus, I had time to spend with Susan, even if that time was based around a visit with her parents.

On Monday we were on our way to the shore,leaving behind everything and everyone.

When I dressed for dinner Tuesday night, I forgot to wear the brace for my arm.

I have not put it on since.

Wednesday,with Susan's help and input, I settled on and bought a car.

On Friday, I reached out to a number of colleagues and confidantes to explore a new project.

Today, as planned,Max and I began a new weight loss cycle .

On a daily basis I am taking another bite at the apple of life.

Not a bite too big as to choke me.

Just enough to nourish me and keep me coming back for more.

What's the old adage? 

Rome was not built in a day?

Neither is a meaningful life experience.

Shavua Tov!

No More Grass Cutting!

" Good people always ask good questions." 

~ Lou Adler   

For the last few years, I have taken care of the lawn myself.

Paying someone to do something that I was absolutely physically capable of doing myself was a luxury that I simply could not afford,or so I convinced myself.

One of the consequences of my recent bout with tendinitis was that I had to hire someone to cut the grass.

As it turns out, somehow the resources to pay for this have some how magically been there for the last few weeks for which I am grateful.

Tom,my new lawn guy, showed up just as I sat down to write yesterday. By the time I hit the send button on my daily email, he had finished and gone.

Other than the brief interaction of actually paying him, I hardly knew he was here, except for the fact that my yard looked great. 

Quite honestly, he does a better job than I did. 

He has better and more equipment and he seems to love what he is doing.

Not that I did a bad job,however it certainly was not a labor of love for me.

So now that I have magically been able to find the funds to pay for this ,I am asking myself,what do I have to do to keep this up?

Having that task off of my plate has opened up opportunities for me to do things that I a) enjoy and b) are more rewarding to me.

Tom is a retired guy who loves making a few extra dollars cutting lawns.

Good for him.

But that's not me.

Instead of laboring and sweating for an hour ,I spent that time resolving some challenges that had popped up and reached out to a number of people who I will be working with on a new project.

It's not about the $40 or the hour of time gained by not having to deal with the lawn.

It's all about maximizing my resources.

If landscaping was what puts food on my table and a roof over my head, heck, I would be at it 20 hours a day.

Like I said,that's not who I am or what I do.

My resources ,like everyone else's have limits.

My opportunities do not.

Cutting the lawn takes away from my access to those opportunities.

I am glad that the tendinitis is on the mend, however,I must admit,had it not been for this recent physical set back, who knows what accomplishments would have fallen by the wayside. Shabbat Shalom!

The S#!T!

 "  Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.” 

~ Earl Nightingale

When I am deep in the s#!t ,it is impossible for me to see clearly.

That is my take away from this mini-vacation Susan and I took this week.

I get so busy doing "stuff" that I lose my focus on the road in front of me.

Over the last few months, the s#!t has been piling up without me even realizing it. First a little bit of s#!t,then a little bit more , then a little bit more.

Before I knew it, I was wallowing in mounds of s#!t .

When that happens, I start to get used to it.

I didn't even notice the stench of the s#!t after a while.

It became the norm.

This tiny little break in the action has really served to remind me that it's the flowers along the way I want to be smelling,not the s#!t.

As we drove down the Garden State Parkway on Monday, each mile post we passed seem to pull me up from the s#!t piles a little bit more. 

It took a while for me to realize that something was different.

As is often the case when Susan and I drive in the car, I started rambling about this, that and the other thing. Susan in her inimitable way listened (or pretended to) as I  ranted on and on.

I don't know if she hears let alone cares about any of my diatribes.

It doesn't matter. I hear myself and before I know it the fog that has been swirling around me seems to lift and I find myself looking at the path to another opportunity to continue my Journey.

Today, I began the reality check.

Do I really have a vision or a delusion?

You may ask what's the difference.

Simple.

If I sit on my visions and do nothing with them, it is and I am delusional.

Some call it being a dreamer.

On the other hand, when I act on my vision, then and only then can my vision become a reality.

That is when being I am no longer a dreamer,but a visionary.

A farmer is only a farmer when he tends to his fields.

Prepare,plant,nurture and harvest.

Shabbat Shalom!

August Word of the Month

August Word of the Month:
Healing:

the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.

After a couple of days away and months and months of pain, I feel that I am at a point where healing can begin.

My back, which had given me fits since December, has been a non issue for about 5 or 6 weeks now.

Both of my hands are starting to be functional again (I have about 50% use in each of them).

In general, I feel as if I am on the mend.

This is a very good thing, and the reason I have chosen the word HEALING as my August word of the month.

Notice I chose healing and not healed or healthy.

I am not quite there yet.

Still, it's a far cry from where I had been.

Sure it's still frustrating not being 100%.

Simple tasks like turning a door knob or plugging in my phone charger are still a challenge.

The good news is that the overwhelming pain has subsided which is a blessing beyond belief.

News flash:

PAIN SUCKS!

There are signs all around me that summer is winding down.

The stores are loaded with items for back to school. 

Baseball season is heading towards the fall classic and football season is about to kick off.

The Jewish holidays will be here in less than 3 weeks.

Before you know it, the weather will change and so will the colors on the leaves of the trees.

Soon it will be time for harvesting.

As I heal, I will have the opportunity to pull things together and to prepare myself for that harvest. 

Without a proper harvest season, the winter that will surely follow can be a daunting proposition.

I am grateful for the healing and I look forward t the time when I am healthy again.

Vacation Time

"    Far better to live your own path imperfectly, than to live another's perfectly." 

~ Bhagavad-Gita

Yesterday Susan and I celebrated our 31st wedding anniversary, if you can call driving almost 200 miles to spend the day with her parents a celebration.

My gift to Susan this year is a break in the action. We are going to head out in a short while for a couple of,3 days/2 nights, away.

Fun and sun at the Jersey shore.

Of course there doesn't seem to be much of the latter in the weather forecast.

We have dinner plans with friends on Tuesday which we are certainly looking forward to.

I am not much of a vacationer, never have been.

Still, I know I can use the down time and Susan always loves to get away.

I am not bringing a laptop so I won't write for the next few days. 

I am bringing my iPad along with hopes of spending a good deal of time catching up on the 2 courses I am currently working on and maybe even get to some books that are collecting dust in my library.

I just checked the weather for the week.

Not promising at all. 

The sun isn't due back until Thursday, the day after we return home .

It is what it is.

A break in the action and some time to relax and regroup.

See you on Thursday!

Autumn Approaches

"   

The problem is that most people spend their lives looking... but not truly seeing.” 

~ Joe Navarro

Way back in June at the beginning of this summer,knowing that I would have the third week of August off,I made plans to meet up with a very special and dear friend.

We met 46 years ago and despite a period of almost 3 decades apart, we have rekindled our relationship, a friendship that I cherish beyond words.

Yesterday, exactly 1 week before we were planning to meet up, I received a text from my friend which read "waiting for a second opinion fro the doctors.....the outcome will determine our meeting up next week."

What the F@#K!

My heart started racing and my mind immediately sped off to some very dark places.

What was wrong with my friend?

What did we need an opinion on?

What bad news will I be hearing from her?

I texted back asking simply"second opinion for what?"

I waited and waited for a response.

Seconds turned to minutes as my heart kept sinking.

Finally the reply came.

"Oh. I may need surgery, I broke my wrist on Monday."

Well thank goodness for a broken wrist!

Listen....I'm not getting any younger here.

Neither is my friend who is much older than me (366 days to be exact!)

The truth is, I have had much loss in my life and as we all know,inevitably there will be more.

Some people start to become numb to loss.

The pain seems to be easier as they incur more loss.

This has not been my experience.

Each loss I encounter seems to tear open my soul more and more.

The fear and anxiety that grows in me as new losses approach is more crippling than the pain of the loss itself.

I am afraid that this is something that I just will never get used to.

I couldn't be happier to hear that my dear friend broke her wrist.

I will check in with her in a few hours to see what the surgeon said.

Our plans may change (not cancel).

I can deal with that.

The Autumn of my life is approaching.

My hopes are that it will be a very long season, with maybe a touch of Indian Summer along with it.

 

Another Bucket List Item

"  Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?” 

~ A. A. Milne

A while back I wrote about an item that if I had a bucket list ,would be on it. 

I have always wanted to be able to just pick up a guitar and play.

 Just well enough to strum a few chords and sit with friends and sing folk music.

My friend,and fraternity brother Doug Smith responded to this particular musing noting as he put it"David,you still have music in you!".

It's true.

I do.

Yesterday as I was waiting to head out on my last run of the day,listening to the radio, I caught myself daydreaming about yet another bucket list line item.

This one also is based in music.

My bucket list ( if I had one) would not have a whole lot on it at this point.

I have no great desire to travel, jump out of an airplane,scale Mt. Everest or anything like that.

However, if money were no object and if I were to throw all of my normal self deprecating issues aside I do have one bucket list fantasy item.

I would love to hire a voice coach.

I would want to work with him (or her) for a year or more in preparation for a concert to be given as a birthday present to myself.

A one man show called Songs of David (sounds biblical).

I would also hire a choreographer,(no dancing, just for staging) as well as whoever else I might need for sets,direction , production etc.

While I know I couldn't fill Carnegie Hall, it would be in a venue that held a couple of hundred people.

I would invite all of my friends, family, loved ones and colleagues.

I have a fairly good start on my set list in mind.I have an opening number,and a pretty good feel for a program that would be meaningful, powerful and memorable I also have an awesome finale as well as the obligatory encore number.

I even have a very special ensemble number in mind.

I know, it sounds crazy and completely out of character for me as well as way out of my comfort zone.

Still, if you are making a bucket list ,as the saying goes,Go Big or Go Home!

So why not?

I think I will just let this particular piece of fruit just hang out there a bit and see if it ripens.

"  Many can argue that reality is as it is, but my experience is that the opposite is exactly true. Reality is ours for the making.”

 ~ Asara Lovejoy

One of the good things about my bus driving job is that the pay is not anything to brag about.

In fact,to earn enough to live my lifestyle I would have to drive about 100 hours a week.

So how is this a good thing?

Let me explain.

If the monies derived from driving the bus were enough to support me in the fashion I want to be supported in, I would be content to be a bus driver,

The income generated from that type of job would instill a false sense of contentment in me.

I would convince myself that this was a viable means to achieving a fulfilling life.

I would be blissfully happy knowing that I could now provide for myself and my family by driving a bus.

That's just not who I am or what I am made of.

Don't get me wrong.

There is nothing wrong with driving a bus,or with any honest work for that matter.

Since acquiring this job, I can now pay my bills.

I have income on a regular basis.

I can breath a lot more easily than in the past.

What I can't afford to do is sit back and become complacent.

Missing a few hours or God forbid a few days, of work would put a serious strain on the budget again.

This is why my less than attractive pay rate is a good thing.

It keeps me hungry.

It helps me to keep my eyes open for new opportunities.

It allows me to ask myself on a daily basis,"how can I make things better?".

Lately, I have not had any new opportunities cross my plate.

The good news is that with the paycheck from driving, I am not desperate to try and figure out how to pay my bills.

I drive ,get paid and then have enough free time to explore ,create and cultivate.

I can continue farming.

I have time to plow,plant and tend to the next field.

All I need is some dirt,some seed,some water and some sunshine

Then like that farmer,I can be outstanding in my field!

Puzzle Pieces

" Years ago, someone, I very much respect, told me the reason they were successful is that they embraced doing what other people resent or are reluctant to do.” 

~ Janice Bryant Howroyd

After testing the limits of my slowly healing arm for 2 days,I decided to give it a day of rest yesterday.

I am still seeing daily progress, however this will be a long road to full recovery (or as close to full as it can get !).

I have had to make some adjustments in my life style as well.

I had to hire someone to cut the grass.

Between Susan's now weekly trips to South Jersey ,including over nights,and the absolutely unending rain we have experienced,hiring someone became the only really viable solution.

Most other household chores and projects have been put on hold (or abandoned) for the time being.

Shelving them alleviates the frustration of not getting to or accomplishing them.

Letting go of these tasks combined with starting to feel better has opened up the possibility for me to try and explore other opportunities. 

While the body may not be up to any new challenges just yet, now that the constant pain has subsided, my mind is clear and is ready and eager, to explore new adventures.

Not that I am looking to discover fire or re-invent the wheel.

However, with a clear mind as well as an abbreviated workload, there is the opportunity to use my brain and imagination ,to be creative or productive, or both!

In the good old days, when I had Becky at my side 5 days a week, this type of new challenge would have been a lot easier.

Having no one else to depend on on a regular basis, I find that I must be more calculated and deliberate as I move forward.

I can only do as much as I can do.

All humans have limitations.

The one really positive take away from this experience is my understanding of just how human I am.

A lot of this mindset is a by product of the mindfulness course I have been taking.

It's kind of amazing how the pieces of the puzzle of personal growth are starting to come together. 

I love it when that happens!

Shavua Tov!

Successful People Don't Make Excuses!

 "  Successful people DON'T make excuses. If you want success, you need to learn how to stop making excuses, and start making PROGRESS.” 

~ Brian Tracy

It's been a month since I have written to you on a How Am I Doin' Friday.

During that month , I can honestly say that I was not doing that well.

In fact , I was barely hanging on.

Yesterday was the first time I actually felt well enough to write in weeks.

Today is even better. 

For the second day in a row, I dressed myself.

I went and had my beard trimmed today as well.

I made myself a healthy breakfast .

I actually am starting to feel human again.

Incremental choices make for monumental changes.

I spoke with a couple of friends this morning, both of whom are dealing with their own special challenges.

The recurring theme?

1 day at a time,1 step at a time.

During the past few weeks, I found myself at the doorstep of the cursed house of "Poor Me!"

The good news is that I never opened that door.

I knew that this was not the place I wanted to or needed to visit.

I heard the same from my 2 friends this morning. 

Trust me, opening that door and walking into that cursed house seemed tempting, but only when despair sets in.

It's an easy out......for quitters!

Had it not been for this Journey, this exploration into the world of personal growth and development, I fear, no I know, that my choice would have been to surrender rather than fight on.

I have many people to thank for helping me.

I am so grateful for all of the love and support I have experienced over the last 5 years.

I want you to know how much I appreciate you being a big part of that.

That's how I am doing on this How Am I Doing Friday!

Shabbat Shalom!

On The Mend

" Far better to live your own path imperfectly, than to live another's perfectly." 

~ Bhagavad-Gita

Yes it's been a while since you've heard from m. I last wrote 19 days ago. This is an unusually long absence on my part.

 So where have I been?

Well, on the morning of July 22nd, I woke up with a tenderness on the outer part of my right wrist.

By that evening it had spread to the inside of my wrist as well. 

The next morning my entire hand was swollen and within a day or so that swelling had made its way up to my elbow.

At dinner that Thursday evening, I was feverish,shaking and mostly incapable of concentrating enough to hold a conversation. 

The pain level had roared past unbearable.

Friday morning I finally drove myself over to the emergency clinic.

I am not sure if the doctor was diagnosing me or flirting with me.

He said I had acute tendinitis.

It's nice to know I have a cute something!

Since then , I have not been able to use my right hand or arm at all.

I am happy to report that I am finally feeling a wee bit better.

Better enough to take a shot at using the keyboard on my computer.

Hopefully, the mending will continue and I will be able to get back to my daily routines, including writing to you.

I have only been at his for a few minutes and already I can feel the hand starting to swell up as the pain starts to appear once again, so I will end here for now.

I just wanted to let you know that I am in fact still alive and looking forward to some normalcy in my life in the very near future.