It is an absolutely phenomenal day here in North Jersey. 
The skies are light blue. 
There are white fluffy pillows of clouds scattered about.
The temperature when I left the house for my Sunday morning bus run was pleasantly cool.
As I said, an absolutely stunningly gorgeous day.
Yet as I drove towards my first pick up this morning, I was suddenly reminded of uncomfortable feelings that have haunted me in my past.
Max & Susan are off to visit the in-laws in South Jersey.
Becca & Sara have are attending a wedding shower today.
Memories from years ago came over me of the anxiety I would feel on days like today.
I was always happy and grateful that my family could get away , whether it was a day trip or a vacation.
Yet once they left, I would be overcome with despair and loneliness. 
It was at times crippling.
I tried mightily to never let on. However the sadness was overwhelming.
As I drove my bus, it was not those same feelings of sadness that were haunting me. It was the memory of just how awful I would feel that  came roaring in.
I was so sad in those days. 
I mourn for that person and how he felt.
It was a terrible way to live.
Today is quite different. 
Max and Susan squeezing in a trip to South Jersey is a blessing for my in-laws who always appreciate the visit, for Susan who gets to see her parents and for myself  who gets a break and some time to get other things accomplished. 
The girls no longer live with us so not having them around is normal. Still, it was the memory, those awful memories that crept in and made me shudder as I drove along my route.
There was always another component to this fear.
The stress and pressure I felt on a daily basis, whether financial or dealing with my parents and their health issues, made those times when my only joys in life, my family, were not around, the worst times in my life.
I have a couple of those same types of issues floating around me today.
Maybe that is why it all felt so eerily familiar and frankly so frightening.
Once I again I find myself sad.
 Not for the reasons I did back then.
I am sad for that person who suffered through all of that not so long ago.
I have spoken of him before. 
Were it not for his strength and fortitude to push through all of that, I would not have the blessed live I enjoy today.
One word keeps coming back to me again and again.
 Damaged! 
We are all a bit damaged by some of our past experiences. 
Some have left scars. 
Some have left pains that pop up from time to time. 
I consider myself blessed that none of the damage was permanently crippling.
And I am thankful for the healing that continues daily.
Shavua Tov!

Today is literally a day with absolutely nothing on my agenda.
Had I chosen to do so, I could have slept in and lounged about all day.
However, by now, I hope you know me well enough to realize that that would never fly in my world!
There is always something that needs tending to , fixing or taking care of.
Earlier this week , we had another episode with stopped up sinks. After 2 days of treating the drains, I finally was able to get them clear. 
I decided that today would be a good day to do some laundry and see if in fact everything was working as it should.
 Mission accomplished.
Next I decided it was as good a time as any to close up the pool.
It has not been a great summer for backyard swimming. 
There just have not been that many opportunities for us to take advantage of our pool.
Either we were working, or driving to South Jersey or the weather was not cooperating.
What ever the reason,we just haven't spent much time out there.
In years past, I would leave the pool open just in case. 
Just in case almost never happens and before I realize it, leaves are falling and the pool is a mess,which will only lead to more work in the spring when I open it.
So today, I will close the pool up. I treated the water before lunch, and after running the filter for a few hours , Max and I will remove the ladder, drain the water level a bit, dismantle the filter and cover the pool up for winter.
To be honest, that may be the extent of things I want to accomplish today.
I could probably find 3 or 4 other chores to fill my day if I really wanted to. 
However, as in baseball when a manager pulls a pitcher after 6 strong innings, when I am done with the couple of tasks I set out to get done I will end my day with a feeling of accomplishment. 
And there is nothing wrong with that!
Shabbat Shalom!

Here we are.
 It's the last How Am I Doin' Friday of August!
Woo Hoo!
(Still not a raving fan of the month of August!)
It is also the first Friday of my current cycle.
I can't even begin to count how many cycles I have done at this point.
I do know that when I eat"normally" meaning sensibly and reasonably, I gain weight.
 I lose.
 I gain.
I loose again.
I gain again.
Normally the gain levels off and maintaining with in a range is easy enough. 
However, for me, that leveling off weight far exceeds the weight I feel comfortable at.
So I do it again.
And again!
And again!
Each cycle is different.
There are times when the rigid food protocols are a snap and I breeze through the earliest parts of the program.
This time there is a marked difference.
There is no air of excitement or anticipation surrounding this current cycle. 
4 days in and I have been counting the minutes since the start like an hourly employee staring at the time clock.
For whatever reason, in the idle moments of the day, I can't stop my thoughts from scavenging for a little something to eat. 
I just finished listening to Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek. 
In his book, he often refers to the biological and physiological reasons we do what we do.
Food, and the fix we receive when we indulge in it or reward ourselves with it is like any other drug. It releases dopamine and gives us that euphoric sensation we all crave.
We want to feel good!
The science behind all of this is fascinating and a bit much for me to incorporate in just one reading. I will buy the book in hard copy now and reread it for a better deeper understanding of how this and other biological factors play a role in our lives.
In the meantime I press on.
Pressing on means putting this quest for momentary gratification aside and finding a true path to endeavors that are truly meaningful and self fulfilling.
When I am engaged, food means little or nothing to me.
When I am active,food is an after thought.
When I have purpose to my day, food only serves one purpose,nutrition.
I have been at this now for over 4 years.
It's not rocket science.
There is no Nobel Prize awarded for dedication to this.
My Journey will not end poverty,hunger or heal the great divides that tear apart the fabric of our world today.
However,I know there is a purpose to my Journey.
That is why I write. 
That is why I stay committed.
That is why I read and listen to the books that I do.
That is why I take the time to listen to Darren Hardy and John Maxwell on a daily basis.
It's why I find a quote of the day each day.
I can only make the world a better place by making myself a better person. 
It must be the end of August.
The end of August signifies the beginning of the lead up to the High Holiday season. This is my aha moment for this particular How Am I Doin' Friday.
I am starting to feel that inner tug that comes annually.
The High Holidays are near.
That season of self reflection and introspection,.
The time for acknowledging my short comings and for counting the many gifts in my life.
It's the beginning of the Heavy Duty part of the year for me.
I think I will run out and buy that book today!
Shabbat Shalom!

If you happen to live in Northern New Jersey and read The Record, our daily newspaper, you may have seen the headline which read "4 North Jersey Dog Groomers win Power Ball".

It wasn't us!

Now that we have that cleared up I guess I can get back to the rest of my day.
I have not had bus driving duties this week. The Center that I drive for closes its Senior program one week a year when the facility hosts a special needs camp. I was unaware of this until a couple of weeks ago or I might have planned differently. 
I now know that next year at this time, we can close the shop for a week and take a real vacation.
Sounds like an opportunity!
A couple of weeks after I found out that we were closed this week, I was offered the chance to drive for the camp.
As I had already made alternate plans, I had to pass on that.
An opportunity missed although stored away for next year as well.
You may wonder what just happened to that vacation I hoped to plan?
Simple!
A week away at the Jersey shore with the family.
While some of us may still have to work or attend school, the house will be there and it's a short drive back to North Jersey. 
Quite honestly, I would go stir crazy spending an entire week sitting on a beach. 
The chance to take the run back home, drive for a few hours, check in on the animals, spend the night and then head back down is really appealing to me. The best of both worlds.
This is starting to sound like a plan.
 It's called a plan for a reason. 
You must plan to have a plan!
I am actually pretty excited about the possibility.
The next time we (the family) is all together I will broach the subject and start the conversation in hopes of getting this thing rolling.
Imagine that.
A real family vacation!
Wow!
I kind of feel like I did just win the lottery!

Since I don't have any hing in particular to write about today and given I really don' have anything on my mind, I decided to clean up my email back log of Minute with Maxwell's and Darren Dailies. Below are a few links to share with you. 
I start each day listening to both of my mentors. Sometimes they challenge me,sometimes they inspire me and some times they just make me sit back and take stock of what I am doing and where I am in life.
Along with my Quote of the Day, I enjoy sharing these with you.
Today's quote from Brian Tracey is "Successful people are simply those with successful habits.
These are some of my daily habits!

Minute with Maxwell:
Word of the Day:
Credibility
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-CREDIBILITY/? 
COLLABORATION
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-COLLABORATION/? 
FOCUS
http://johnmaxwellteam.com/2017-focus? 

Darren Daily:  
http://dd.darrenhardy.com/right-choice-michelle?   

http://dd.darrenhardy.com/get-uncomfortable-bob? 

Our vacation is over. As short as it was (1 day) it served a great purpose. It served as a line of demarcation.For me there is no vacation hangover. There is no residual malaise.
It's a new day, I am starting a new cycle and for all intents and purposes , I believe I can leave summer behind me and get busy with the work of finishing the year in a strong fashion. 
As I look at my calendar ,I realize that the High Holidays are exactly 1 month away.
Armed with this information, I hope that I can prepare better that I have and avoid that last minute revelation that the holiday is upon me.
The High Holiday season is fraught with all sorts of emotional stimulation . Again,being aware of the knowledge that this is in fact the beginning of a new season for me will hopefully serve to alleviate some of the emotional and mental mood swings I have encountered in the past.
The 1 day break in the action also allowed me to gain a better perspective of where I am at this point in my life and what is on my path on this current part of my Journey. 
I had the opportunity to glimpse at some things that are missing from my life. I also had the precious gift of seeing some of the marvelous parts of my life that I take for granted, friends, family,health and so much more.
It was good to get away.
It's good to be back. 
Yes the grass needs cutting. The pool must be attended to.
There are a plethora of emails to be handled and I must rev up my schedule very quickly . My daily calendar did not go on vacation and I must get back up to speed quickly.
My son Max pointed out to me that he heard somewhere that after a vacation you should schedule 1 day off before returning to work. 
That might have been a really good thing to know before hand. 
I did not plan that way. Life begins right where it left off a few short hours ago.
I am however, in a much better place than I was before this mini break in the action.
It feels pretty darn good!

I know it's been a few days since you heard from me. 
Honestly, I had to take a break!
There was just so much swirling around me. There were opportunities ,choices, and challenges that were compounding daily and coming at me from all sides.
I wasn't sleeping.
I was making poor food choices. 
I was becoming sloppy and ineffective.
I was making mistakes.
 I was becoming forgetful.
And I certainly was not choosing happy!
All of this was evidenced by my choice to not write. 
I wasn't liking myself or the way I was leading my life.
Over the last 72 hours or so, I have been able to slow things down, put some things in perspective and create some separation from the things that were adding to my frustration and anxiety.
I wish I could tell you that I was able to wave some magic wand or drink some magic potion and every thing just completely changed.
 That would have been nice .
 It's not reality.
I simply shut down,starting with my writing. 
I knew that by Friday I would have a tiny bit of me time, not running from one job to the next.
That helped a lot.
I reached out to a friend and mentor for an ear. It helps to articulate sometimes when I get overwhelmed.
Soon after that I chose to "eat the frog" and had a conversation that needed to take place with some one else.
While the situation has not been finalized, it is mostly resolved, at least from my end. 
After dealing head on with one challenge , I was able to address another and another and another.
Like moving a heavy vehicle, once you break the inertia, momentum picks up. 
After a while things begin to roll more smoothly and with less effort. The trick then becomes to remain vigilant and not let things bog down or even worse start running away from you. 
Today I am in a much better place than I have been in a couple of weeks.
That's a good thing. 
I even have some scheduled down time. 
Susan and I will take a 48 hour break from the routine tomorrow. 
A tiny one night getaway.
Again, just what the doctor ordered and absolutely at the right time.
Also, I have a week of no bus driving ahead of me. Not my choice. It seems the program shuts down for 1 week a year in late August. 
Good to know for next year!
We have already begun making plans to close the shop for a week at that same time next year. 
Imagine that......a real vacation!
Who would ever have thunkit?
It truly does amaze me how aware I have become of all of this. 
When pressures start mounting and things start piling up, I now have the tools and skill set to respond and react.
In the past, they just would have continued to mount, and mount  and mount. 
Imagine the toll this has taken over the decades of abuse I have heaped on myself.
I honestly believe that these changes in how I deal and cope with stress have saved my life.
I can only imagine how often I was 1 heart beat away from a stroke or a heart attack in the past.
What a blessing this all is!
Any how.....I am back for now. Hopefully I can pick up right where I left off and get back to doing the one thing I look forward to every day.....writing to you!
Shabbat Shalom!