Every once in a great while I experience a day of such deep satisfaction that I say to myself "self........this is what life is about!"
Today has been one of those days. 
If you were to ask me what was so special about today,I would be at a complete loss to answer you.
Yesterday I cut the grass and spent a good part of the afternoon cleaning up after the dogs (use your imagination!).
This morning with no commitment to driving down to South Jersey, Susan and I had the opportunity to do some yard work. We swept both the side deck and the back deck. We put away all of the "stuff" that has been ignored since we began our Spring yard work. a rake, a shovel, a few brooms,some electrical gear, a bunch of hand tools and various gardening tools.
We pulled weeds and moved patio blocks and lumber.
I cleaned off all of the shelves and storage bins we have on the decks. I laid all of the cushions from the patio furniture out in the sun, drying them out and eventually shaking and sweeping off the dirt. 
A few weeks ago, I found that after moving my office suite around, I can hang my extra speakers from my computer out the window and have music fill the yard.
After 3 hours of cleaning we had some lunch on the back deck before heading up to sit by the pool.
When all had quieted down, I looked around and saw it was good!
The deck ,which is now 26 or 27 years old looked fresh and clean. The yard was manicured , at least to my standards. 
The pool was crystal clear and refreshing to swim in.

Soon it was 3 o'clock and time for me to make my Sunday afternoon run. 
I drove the tree lined streets of Bergen County dropping off the handful of Seniors who are on my Sunday route.
Everything seemed so calm,so natural, so peaceful.
For a brief moment on a Sunday afternoon, I understood happy.
It really felt nice!

16 months ago, on a drizzly Monday night in April, I found myself at what I can only describe as one of,if not the, lowest place I have ever been.
On an impromptu visit to a friend, I backed Susan's car into a tree,smashing out the back window and amassing almost $4000 in other damages to the vehicle.
On the ride home, after cleaning up the broken glass, I lost it.
I could no longer hold it together. Tears flowed down my face and I sobbed like an infant.
When the tears finally stopped I was done. Not done crying, just done.
I felt as if I was out of options. 
I did not have any answers.
I didn't know where or to whom, or how to get answers to how I could move on in life.
I felt as if I was in the middle of the ocean and sapped of any strength to keep myself from succumbing and sinking into the depths of this miserable sea that was surrounding me. 
Surely, I was done. 
My options were limited.
I could just let go, give in, and sink.
Maybe a miracle would come along, a life boat or a rescue plane.
That really only happens to Tom Hanks in the movies.
Instead I chose to lay back and float as I weighed my options.
I was tired. 
Tired of treading water .
Tired of battling the currents and the choppy sea.
Tired of the pounding of the waves.
Tired of the overwhelming endlessness of the water around me.
Drowning seemed to be an inevitability.
Surely there was no way out and there would be no tomorrow.
When I woke up the next morning, I was still alive.
Imagine that!
Now what should I do?
The only thing I knew how to do. I rolled over from floating on my back and once again started swimming.
One stroke after another,I set off in search of a safe place to land.
For 16 months, I have continued to swim forward.
Surrounded by water, I just kept swimming, stroke after stroke believing I might get rescued or find land somehow. 
After a while I realized hat there would be no rescue. 
Oh sure,along the way, I ran into some well intentioned travelers on passing ships. Many offered to throw me a life preserver or a helping hand. The they would  get distracted by their own voyage and I once again found myself alone,swimming to who knew where.
A short while ago, as I continued swimming, I believed I saw what looked like land on the horizon.
 Was this real or a mirage?
Wishful thinking or perhaps I had stumbled upon dry land?
I did not have the strength to attempt to speed up towards that image in front of me,so I just kept swimming at my steady pace.
How far away was it?
Did it really exist?
I wasn't sure. 
I just knew that if in fact it was out there , eventually I would find it.
This morning I awoke to find myself lying on that distant beach.
For the first time in what seems like eternity, I feel as if I will not drown today.
There is no chance of that happening.
 I am on solid land!
Have I in fact found a brave new world where there is civilization?
Or is this just an island, as desolate as the sea?
Is there a Garden of Eden beyond the trees in front of me or is it a jungle even more treacherous than the ocean of despair I just came out of?
I have no idea. 
I just know that on this particular How am I doing Friday, I can stop swimming ,stand up right and get on with my life. 
Which is exactly what I will do.
Well....maybe after I sit for a little while,rest and enjoy the view!
Shabbat Shalom!

I was having a conversation with an acquaintance the other day when he said"time heals all wounds". He was speaking about a rift that had developed between himself and a colleague. He was of the mindset that enough time had passed , the sting he felt when this conflict first arose had dissipated and he felt that he would now be able to pick up where they had once been.
I listened to his reasoning and having a bit of insight into the particulars of this split, I was glad to see that he wanted to move on.
Of course this had me look at my own life and I found myself revisiting some relationships which have gone sour for me.
I think I have to disagree with my buddy. 
Time alone does not heal all wounds. 
Some wounds are very deep. Yes they scab over and heal to some degree. However when the scab falls off, there is a scar. 
Some scars are minute, inconsequential. Others are fairly noticeable and serve as daily reminders of the wound. And then there are the scars that are so pronounced that they are simply to hard to not notice. 
Some are so disfiguring that they can change a person's whole affect.
Time will never heal those wounds.
Some wounds need aggressive treatment.
Merely slapping a band-aid over them and saying "okay, lets move on" is not enough.
These wounds seem as if they might never heal.
I choose to believe that we can mend all wounds given enough time and care.
The key addition to my friend's original premise is the word care.
It takes care as well as time to heal a wound.
I guess I am looking at some of my own wounds and wondering if they will ever heal?
Honestly, not without care.
I have to care if I want them to heal. Otherwise they will just fester,scab over for a while,eventually flaring up and becoming infected again. If left unattended they can get worse, even becoming gangrenous.
Time alone will never heal that wound.
It needs care. 
If I want to heal,I have to care.

Constructive criticism.
Really?
Criticism by it's very definition infers that I am doing something wrong.
 Personally I prefer the term constructive observational suggestions.
I don't know about you, but when I get "constructive criticism" I shut down. 
When I don't completely tune it out, I often respond by digging my heels in and sticking with my behavior or actions that are being critiqued.
Admittedly, I have become much more open to listening to suggestions than I may have been in the past. Still when it comes at me under the guise of "constructive criticism" I am less inclined to listen to, never mind act upon it.

I am confident in my abilities.
I consider myself of better than average intelligence.
I have a keen knack for problem solving. 
My observational skills are also better than most.
As I stated previously, I am much better today than in the past at taking guidance and suggestions. I follow directions well, especially when I have the ability to process information using my specific skills and methods.
I am not perfect.
Lord knows,I don't even come close.I am open to new ideas and ways to do things.
 I just can't abide it when it comes at me in the form of "constructive criticism".

Looks like it is going to be a pretty nice day here today. The Sun is shining and the skies are mostly clear.After the drenching we took yesterday, we can certainly use a drying out period.
It's kind of a quiet day for me. After dropping Susan at the shop, I made a bank run before returning home and doing some laundry.
We have had some flooding issues with our washer lately.
Today is the first time we have tried using the machine in a couple of weeks.I am happy to report that all went well.
Not only that, but while watching over the beast to make sure that things were going smoothly, I had the opportunity to pick up around the laundry room. 
There is this tendency for piles to accumulate over time. 
I decided to attack some of this today. Lo and behold, buried in one of these piles were 5 pairs of slacks that have been missing from my wardrobe for months. I am not sure where they came from or how they ended up buried with a number of sheets and pillow cases.
None the less, I will take them along with 1 nice summer dress shirt to the dry cleaners and add them to my closet.
There is another mystery basket for me to go through as well. 
Who knows what gems I might find in that?
I decided to go through my dresser as well given that I will probably find a few things that should be put away in there.
Why do I own 7 black t-shirts , all size medium?
I don't really wear t-shirts.
( I think my wife is having an affair with a biker who is slight of build!)
I know it's nice outside , however I have the feeling that the majority of my day will be spent indoors.
We have a bbq we are attending tomorrow and I have to prepare some veggie platters and a fruit salad.
More indoor work.
This purging of the laundry room will also keep me inside for a bit of time.
No big deal. The grass was cut earlier this week and everything is still fairly damp from yesterday's downpour.
The one outside project I really want to get at is cleaning out and organizing my shed.
If it doesn't get to hot, that may be on the agenda later in the day
Come to think of it, when I accomplish all of this today I will have had an awfully successful and productive day for a quiet day. 
Time to have at it!
Shabbat Shalom!

It was barely drizzling when I set out on my first run on this How Am I Doin' Friday.
It wasn't even a constant drizzle, kind of on again off again.
By the time I started my second run, the rain had become more steady.
Half way to my first stop, the skies opened up and for the next hour the rain was nothing short of a downpour.
Of course , these last 2 stops were both wheelchairs.
At stop #1 I was able to park under an overhang and for the most part I stayed relatively dry.
At my next stop, I wasn't quite as fortunate. The rain just would not let up. The pick up was at a single family residence where I park in the middle of the street to accommodate the handicap lift.
To say I got wet would be the understatement for the day.
As the torrents of precipitation rained down on me, I spent a full 5 minutes as the first day aide tried to maneuver her charge and wheelchair.
The 10 minute ride back to the center was uncomfortable at best. 
The center has no overhang. I park in the middle of the parking lot.The same torrential downpour that I experienced a few minutes earlier was greeting me with yet a further soaking. 
10 minutes and 2 wheelchairs later, I stowed my lift and made my way back to park the bus for the week and head home in my car.
That's when I realized that I had left my windows slightly open. Not only was I soaked, so was my seat.
The 20 minute ride home felt like an hour!
I made my way into the house, stripped off my wet clothes, toweled myself off and donned some warm dry sweats.
I then made my way to my desk and as I looked up and out the window, the Sun was shining ,the birds were singing and all was good in the World once more.
That's how I am doing on this How Am I Doin' Friday!
Shabbat Shalom!

My rabbi among others, always greets and refers to me as Big Dave. 
A while ago I addressed my apprehensions around no longer being Big Dave. After all I had lost almost 50% of Big Dave . It seemed that this name might no longer fit the new sized me.
After months and months of wrestling with this I have come to a couple of conclusions.
#1 is that given that the average height for an american male is 5'9" ,at 6' I will always be Big Dave.
#2 is that the ideal given that the ideal weight for someone of my height is 170 pounds I will always be Big Dave.
(I will never weigh 170 ponds again in my life ....if I ever did)
 Last but not least, Big Dave says more about the person I am than my size. Therefore I will certainly always be Big Dave.
I think BIG!
I do BIG!
My persona is BIG!
And when I choose to use it, even my smile is BIG!
I give BIG hugs.
I have a BIG heart.
I have BIG dreams.
I have a BIG personality.
I have BIG ideas.
I have BIG goals.
I am BIG!
I do BIG!
I live BIG!
SO no worries .....Big Dave ain't going away.
No matter how much weight I lose!