Ne'ila

 Ten years ago,I was in the U.K. for the High Holidays. It was the first time in 48 years that I was not observing the holidays at my synagogue here in Paramus. Other than a wonderful Rosh Hashana lunch with our host family and business partners, the holidays were an unmitigated disaster for me.Depression barely describes what I was feeling.

That was until late on Yom Kippur afternoon when we finally made our way to a Masorti synagogue in London. We were invited to attend the last services of the day with some machatunim (relatives of sorts).

We arrived at the shul just in time for Mincha, the afternoon service.Much to my delight, the tunes and the ambiance were very familiar to me. For the first time that holiday season, it really felt like the Yom Tovim (holidays) to me.

The synagogue we were at was under renovation. The walls were unpainted and you could see all sorts of projects that had to be addressed.Still,there was this sense of kehilah, community, that I had missed so much before walking in that afternoon. Before starting Ne'ila, the final service for Yom Kippur,the Rabbi took a few minutes to address the congregation,as probably all rabbis do.After 24 hours of prayer and fasting, it was a chance for him to kind of wrap things up while he still had everyone's attention.He introduced us to his family,thanked those who had participated in leading services,and gave all of us brave souls in attendance a hardy Yasher Koach (congratulations) for hanging in all day.

He then went on to take a moment to explain where in the service we were and what he believed was the true purpose of the Ne'ila service.

He shared that while it was true that Yom Kippur, the holiest of the Holy Days, is a time for repentance, in his eyes, Ne'ila was a time for something else. After 24 hours of asking for forgiveness for whatever it was we felt we needed to be forgiven for, it was now time to give thanks .Thanks for another year. Thank for all that we have. Thanks for the opportunity for a future, a tomorrow.

I was 55 years old and had never experienced that version of Ne'ila before.

It changed my life.

It has been exactly 1 month since I said good-bye to you. It was such a painful choice yet truly one I had to make.

Now,as yet another Yom Kippur has come and gone, the Ne'ila message I received 10 years ago is stronger and louder than ever.

I am thankful for all that I have.

I am thankful for another year.

I am thankful for the future , for another tomorrow.

And I am most thankful for the opportunity to share it all with you once again.

Gemar chatima tova.

May you be sealed for good [in the Book of Life]