Nice vs. Good

“Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, cause your mind to dwell on peace and joy.”

Ernest Holmes

I have found that there are nice people and there are good people. While these are not mutually exclusive groups, it doesn't mean that all "nice" people are good or that all good people are nice. At least not all of the time.

I have experienced way to many people who come across as nice. They are pleasant when you speak to them. They never use cross or foul language. The are nice.

I also have encountered good people. They may cuss up a storm, and bark more often than they should,however their actions tell a different story.

Good people absolutely know the difference between right and wrong.

Nice people are ,well, nice.

Like I said,not mutually exclusive or inclusive.

I,for one, will take good over nice any day of the week.

Shabbat Shalom!

A few minutes

"Our thoughts and imagination are the only real limits to our possibilities."

Orison Swett Marden

I had a few minutes extra this morning before I had to leave the house for my morning bus run.

I chose to use that time to start my daily email.

The first step in the "process" is to archive the entry by naming it. In the program I use, I can not proceed to step 2 without assigning this reference in step one. I dashed in "A few minutes" because that is exactly what I had.

I listened to and added my Darren Daily to my daily format.

I did the same with my Minute with Maxwell.

I added my motivational image of the day and my quote of the day as well.

At this point, it was time for me to head out for the day.

Now,some 4 hours later, I have a few more minutes to finish up.

It has become increasingly more challenging to find the time to write.

I no longer have that quiet time each morning that I once had.

What's the line from the Joni Mitchell song "Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got til its gone".

That's how I feel about the precious gift that I once had,the time to write .

Oh sure , I can probably find some time.

I could get up an hour earlier or carve out an hour after dinner or before bedtime.

The challenge is being in a clear, quiet state of mind.

By the end of each day, that is not always easy.

At the very start of the day, I have yet to shake the cobwebs of sleep out of my head.

My writing has always been born from my thoughts in the moment. Never premeditated. Rarely thought through. Very stream of consciousness.

Not unlike what just happened for me today!

Have a great day!

I am an elitist

“What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us;

what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.”

Albert Pike

Months before I found the job driving a bus, I had applied for a position as a crossing guard here in Paramus.Thankfully they never got back to me.Now as I drive my bus, I pass many crossing guards.Most of them have been at the same posts for the 3 plus years that I have now been behind the wheel. Many of them wave as I drive by.

I wave back, with this air of superiority about me.

There they are in all sorts of weather,rain,snow, heat, bitter cold, as I cruise by in the comforts of my dry,temperature regulated bus.

I am perched high in my padded seat as they stand for hours on end with stop sign in hand.

I now understand just how those who reside at the top of the hill feel about those of us who live in the town below.

Crossing guards.

Hah!

I am the bus driver.

If that doesn't make me part of the social elite, I don't know what does!

February Word of the Month

"We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how to respond to them."

Epictetus

February Word of the Month

CHOICE

noun

an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.

I realize that the month is just about over. It's just been one of those month!

I actually picked the word of the month for February at the very end of January.While attending a trade show I found myself making a very conscious decision about how to deal with something.

I was absolutely pleased with myself and the choice I made. Others around me remarked about just how "bold" this choice was and how impressed they were with my attitude regarding it.

Time and time again,I understood it's all about choice.

The choices we make.

Everything is a choice.

Our mood.

Our attitude.

Our appearance.

All choices.

Here's the thing about choice. It is an action.

It does not possess a quality.

It is neither good nor bad.

It is not wise or dumb.

It is not smart or stupid.

We make them based on the way we interpret the information that we have in hand when we make them.

There is the choice and then the inevitable outcome of that decision.

The choice was just an action. The outcome is what it is.

And then we get to make another choice.

TGFD

"Be the silence that listens."

~ Tara Brach

About a year and a half ago, inspired by the Me Too Movement, I launched what I call the What About Me Movement.

At that time, I was asked if I could help out with something and before just saying yes to this request, I thought to myself,What about Me? What is in this for David? What does David gain from this?

To be honest, the whole idea of even thinking this way made me very uncomfortable. For my entire life, I can only remember responding sure why not, when asked to step up to do something, never once thinking what's in it for David.

Ultimately, it turned out to be a very wise choice on my part and since that time, I try (with a capital T) to remember to at least consider the benefit and or cost to myself before just saying yes.

I can't say that I have become an expert at this, however, I am at least conscious of it more often than in the past.

Over the last few days or so, I found myself jumping in and resolving situations that have popped up.While the cost to me was minimal, each of these situations meant that I had to step up and give more of myself addressing things that someone else should have and or could have taken care of.

This was more than what about me,this was TGFD.

Thank Goodness For David!

Saying that is so out of my comfort zone.

It seemed so absurd to say out loud that each time I was asked to step in or step up, I completed each task with a resounding Thank Goodness For David. Eventually, I found myself repeating TGFD over and over again. My colleagues and coworkers were as appreciative as the were amused.

TGFD!

Of course TGFD!

Why not TGFD?

If not for David then who?

TGFD!

It's so embarrassing to say,it's just easier to be obnoxious about it.

TGFD!

Why not?

Now if I could just get myself to believe this!

Shabbat Shalom!

Sitting and waiting

"Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

Francis of Assisi

Sitting and waiting.

That's just about all I can accomplish lately.

I know that I am being a bit harsh on myself when I say that.

It's not as if I am to the point of paralysis.

I get up every day,go to work,make meals for the family,and continue to do all of the stuff that needs to get done.

The work on the house is ongoing.

Emails and phone calls are getting made.

Still, forward progress seems minimal at best as I wait on others to get back to me.

I know that I a not alone in feeling this way. I had a long discussion with someone today (who will remain anonymous) and I could sense that this person was finding themselves in a similar position.

As a matter of fact, I had more than one encounter with more than one person today who also seemed to be sitting and waiting.

Here's what I know.

There is nothing energetic about sitting and waiting.

Busy for the sake of keeping busy is not the answer either.

This is just another "in the meantime " moment.

The one thing I have learned about "In the meantime" is the next words out of my mouth should always be"I am so grateful for what I have and where I am in this moment".

Loving the "in the meantime!"

The Presidents Day Uprising

"Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence."

Vince Lombardi

The year was 1990.Presidents Day was celebrated on Monday February 19th.On the Friday before the holiday weekend,a delegation representing the women who worked in one department of my business asked for a minute of my time. Given that I always had an open door policy this was not out of the norm.

"Do we have Monday off?" the leader of this small group asked.

"No ...........why would we?" I replied.

"It's Presidents Day." she replied.

My response "If you can name the president, you can have the day off!"

When no reply came I responded"There ya go!".

This did not sit well with my employees.

Early Monday morning,well before our regular work start time 78 year old Amalia called . I could tell she was upset . I could not understand exactly what she was trying to say to me (Amalia only spoke spanish!).

I asked Maria the department supervisor to take the call and help me out.

It seems that the other women in the department had all decided that they would just take the day off. They knew we were very busy and that there was no way I could afford to fire them all. They had threatened bodily harm to Amalia if she came to work.

I told Maria to let Amalia know that everything would be fine and that she should wait until Wednesday to come back to work.

Upon returning to work on Tuesday, the women who had taken the day found the warehouse door padlocked shut.

I met them in the hallway and informed them that they were all fired.

Shocked they responded as if in one voice "you can't do that."

"I just did!" was my response.

I turned and went back to my office, waited until 8:30 when I knew the unemployment office would be open , and called to let them know that they would probably have 14 women coming in to file and exactly why I would be fighting any attempts for them to get benefits.

The manager at the office thanked me and said he would get back to me if she needed any more information.

The word of what happened that morning spread quickly around our industrial complex . I walked into the cafeteria and got more than my share of atta boys and way-to-go's from the other business owners. I don't think I paid for a cup of coffee for a month!

I scrambled to replace and then retrain a whole new crew,replacing my all Spanish speaking staff with a new all Polish speaking group.. Maria and Amalia were super stars when it came to getting our new labor force up to speed even with the obvious challenges of a language barrier.. Within a week we were back to almost full production again.

I never heard another word from the Unemployment office or my former employees.

Some called it the Presidents Day uprising.

I called it the Presidents Day Massacre.

30 years ago this week.

I can sometimes mean We

"We will receive not what we idly wish for but what we justly earn. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service."

Earl Nightingale

Okay so as not to give anyone the wrong idea,sometimes when I say I , there is a WE element to the story.

There was a time when I would literally tackle any project around the house. Today, I can no longer do many of the things that I might have attempted in my younger days. When our hot water heater failed in March,buckling the bamboo flooring which ran through the majority of our main floor,I hired 2 day laborers to do the heavy work of removing it.

One of the 2 gentlemen that I picked up that day, also helped me 2 weeks later when I took down my pool.As I watched Luis work, I came to realize that he possessed skills that I knew might come in handy in various projects. Since then, I have used him more than just a few times to assist me in tackling a number of different things around my house,sara's house, The Grooming Shoppe and even at the yoga studio.With my vision and creativity and Luis's skillsets, we have accomplished quite a bit.

So when I wrote yesterday about my current undertaking of transforming the front room of our house,I may have led you to believe that "I" was doing all of the work.

Without Luis, none of this would be happening. I just don't have the ability,stamina,time or skills to do much of this on my own anymore.

Fortunately, I have Luis.In fact, over the years, I have been lucky enough to have encountered a number of Luis's. Guys who have skills that I may no longer (read never) had.Together we have built things,fixed things and created all sorts of opportunities.

These relationships have always been symbiotic,never one sided.

While I may not be able to do as much as I once might have, my mind refuses to relent.

Hence,when I say I,often there is a we involved.

Just being perfectly clear and transparent.

Shavua Tov!

Demolition Continues!

"Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success."

Swami Sivananda

Demolition continues!

I am not letting the fact that my sister has yet to move out deter me from moving forward with my plans for the front room of our house.A room she has occupied for over 5 1/2 years now.

Let's see....Max turns 30 this year so basically it was almost 3 decades ago that I decided to add a family room on to the back of our house (the room that we redid this Summer) and turn what had been our living room into a extra bedroom,my current project.

A few weeks ago, I decided that it was time to repurpose that room once again. No contractor this time.This is your basic do it yourself ,weekend warrior project.

Over the course of a couple of weekends in January, I removed the closet that I built sometime around the turn of the millenium and the wall that cordoned off the space,circa early 1990's.

Today's project includes reopening the doorway leading to that room.

It's unbelievable that taking out the 8" of wall that needed to come down has taken over 4 hours.Well worth the effort as Susan will now be able to see what it is that I have been trying to get her to visualize for weeks now.

I also started taking up the old tile floor that we put down 25 years ago.It has to be chipped away bit by bit with a hand axe. Much to my surprise,we found that there are actually 4 layers of tile. Some yellowish brown layer,underneath a grey layer,topped by a red brick colored layer and ultimately the black and white checkerboard effect that Susan thought would go so well with the 4 walls that were each painted with a different primary color when the kids were in elementary school.

When I am done with the floor, I will also tear open the front wall where we once had and soon will have again ,a picture window.

As a bedroom, I thought a simple 48"x 42"casement would be more appropriate. Now,some 30 years later,it will once again be opened up to let the Sun shine in through 2 double hungs flanking a picture window,approximately 108" x 60" in total.

This project will take months to complete.One thing I have come to understand during this process.It is easier to build new than to rebuild around what exists.

Sounds like some sort of life lesson!

Shabbat Shalom!

Falling Forward

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."

~ Rosa Parks

Falling forward. You know what I mean. You are walking along and suddenly your toe catches on a crack in the sidewalk or a root coming up through the ground. Your entire body lurches forward and you stumble completely out of control,all the while moving in a forward direction.

This is exactly how the last few months of my life have felt like.

Completely out of control yet constantly moving forward.

I suppose the good news is I haven't fallen flat on my face.

More good news is that my stumbling and bumbling has been forward,which in my view is always a good thing.

With that said, there has not been anything comfortable about any of this.

Nor has it been enjoyable.

As a matter of fact, besides being frustrating,it has been quite exhausting .

To be completely honest, I don't know exactly how to steady myself.

There have been moments when I actually have hoped that I would in fact just fall and hit the ground.Maybe that would afford me the opportunity to gather myself and get my wits about me and begin to move forward with purposefully.

Seriously, these last few weeks and months have been exhausting with little to show for the expended energy.

It's now almost 5 pm on a Friday afternoon. One of the rare Fridays I have had to kind of catch up.

My hopes are it is the first of many.

Maybe it will turnout to be the day hat the stumbling and bumbling comes to an end. Maybe when I start my day tomorrow it will be with the confidence and conviction that will ultimately allow me to find that purposefulness in my life once again.

One can only hope!

Shabbat Shalom!