What's Fair isn't always Fair

“There are two ways of meeting difficulties: You alter the difficulties, or you alter yourself to meet them.” 

-Phyllis Bottome

How many times have I heard someone use the expression "what's fair is fair" .

Well guess what.....that's not always the case.

As a matter of fact,I have come to realize that fair is a very subjective state of being.

Life is not "fair".

If anything good has come out of this quarantine is that this misnomer that everyone can have everything has been debunked.

I have always contested that we are not a classless society.

There are those who have and those who have less.

I also believe that this is the way it should be.

The grand social experiment of the last few decades, where every kid goes home with a trophy and anyone can have a Mercedes parked on their driveway, is hopefully coming to an end.

No Virginia, there is no Santa Claus and yes Ray, the zoo is closed!

too bad.

It is what it is.

During these times we have seen that not everyone is as fortunate as others.

Some have suffered the loss of a family member while others have seen no such loss.

Some have been able to shelter in place fairly comfortably while others are in a constant state of stress trying to make ends meet.

Many have been able to collect a regular paycheck while working from or even just sitting at home,hile others have lost their jobs and are staring at the abyss of having to start over at some point.

The strange part is,now that reality has set in, now that a light has been shined on this disparity and the curtains have been pulled back exposing this divide , I personally feel some validation . Not in the seemingly unfair reality but in the fact that,at times, I felt like I was the only person alive who understood that fair is not always fair.

That's life.

Yeah, I know,it sucks.

Too bad.

Man up and deal with it.

No hand outs.

No freebies.

Roll up your sleeves,pull up your big boy pants and deal with it.

Don't like where you are?

Do something about it.

eey words"do something....",don't wait for the cavalry to come charging over the hill.

They aren't coming.

Dig ,scratch, scrape and claw if you must.

Or sit around and cry in your beer. It's your choice.

Probably the way it should have been all along!

I know it was that when when I grew up.

Shabbat Shalom.

As I feared

“The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.”

 -Franklin D. Roosevelt

Since the start of this quarantine,I have been much more concerned with the collateral damage of the shutdown than the pandemic that it was meant to avoid.

How would this affect the economy?

How many businesses would fail?

Would I still have a job?

Will I be able to pay my bills?

How will my friends and family be affected by the financial and emotional devastation that I was sure would be a part of this situation?

Quite honestly , I had little to no fear when it came to the consequences of the actual virus.

People get sick.

People die.

It happens.

It was all of the peripheral carnage that scared the heck out of me.

I didn't have a crystal ball.

I didn't need one.

Any one who has a lick of common sense had to know that there would be dire consequences to this madness.

Alas, I was right to be so fearful.

All around me, the bodies are piling up.

Lost jobs.

Closed businesses.

Hopelessness,confusion,fear and uncertainty.

It's bad folks and I fear it's only going to get worse.

I have no answers.

I can only deal with the here and now of it.

Here is where I am today and what can I do with that.

End of statement.

Clearly we are in for some stormy times. Batten down the hatches.

Trim down the sails and maybe just maybe we can weather this storm together.

Two Roads Diverged

“Hope lies in dreams, in imagination, and in the courage of those who dare to make dreams into reality.”

Jonas Salk

Two roads diverged.....a line from the Robert Frost poem,The Road Not Taken.

I thought alot about this line today as I drove my morning route.

Along the way on life's Journey, there are often forks in the road when the choice must be made as to which road to take.

It has been my experience that I have chosen the road less travelled more often than not.

Not that I am some daredevil.

Nor am I a rebel.

Or a carefree spirit.

I am ,by my nature, inclined to wonder why not more often than just why.

Why not try something different?

Why not explore new possibilities?

Why not see what might be new and different?

Today, I feel like once again, life is at a crossroads.

This time however, it's not just my life.

It's as if all of us are at that fork in the road.

As we remain frozen in place by this quarantine,many are starting to realize that a Journey is only a Journey if we are heading somewhere.

Standing in one spot for too long is putting a hiatus on the Journey.

It's time to move on.

Much of what I am hearing is how we get back on track,back on the path we were on two months ago before the shutdown.

Once again, I find myself asking,since we do seem to be at a crossroads, why not take the opportunity to head down a new trail.

Is the path that I was on the best one for me today?

What new adventures and opportunities are there in another direction?

I know others are heading towards the path that leads back to where we were headed before the quarantine, but is that the only option for me, for us, today?

I don't think so.

History shows exactly where that road will lead us to.

How do I know?

We have been down this road before.

Given this opportunity, why not head off down the road less traveled.

Or for that matter, blaze a new trail.

Why not create a road into a wilderness that has not previously been explored?

We are at a crossroads.

Sounds like a great time to begin an adventure!

No need to be snarky

“People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves, they have the first secret of success.”

Norman Vincent Peale

Someone made a statement.

I was about to respond when I caught myself.

No need to be snarky.

It serves no purpose. It's not helpful.

It's often hurtful, even if it only a pinch not a punch.

Oh sure, it may elicit a giggle from someone,but at whose expense?

Snarky can be cutting.

Snarky doesn't answer the question that was asked.

Snarky does elevate anyone.

Not the person being snarky or the person it was aimed at.

At times, I have been the king of snarky.

Lately , I have tried to stop myself.

It's a work in progress.

I am certainly not perfect yet.

I am getting better....maybe ?

Under Siege

"When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude."

Gilbert K. Chesterton

This no longer feels like a quarantine.

I am starting to feel as if we are under siege.

The quarantine was obnoxious.

Now it feels oppressive.

It's time for grown up people to start being grown ups. That means getting back to life as we want to live it.

It means making responsible choices and decisions.

There are those who will choose to remain cloistered until some expert tells them that it is 100% safe to come out of quarantine.

Good luck to them.

It's their choice. I for one do not know who that so called expert will be and what makes them so damn sure that they have the answers.

They haven't had them up until now.

There must be a pathway to normalcy.

I saw an email from my place of employment outlining some new procedures and protocols we may be instituting when we re-open.

If this is going to be the way we have to function to open, I may just have to opt to stay closed.

Here's what I know.

The "pandemic" numbers in Atlantic County are significantly lower than in Bergen County.

The numbers in Iowa are much different than in New York.

Even within New York, the difference between the metro area and Upstate are completely different.

Marshall law is not the answer.

Intelligent,responsible leadership is.

End this siege.

It's time!

I am not a particularly religious man.....

“What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create.”

~ Buddha

Make no mistake, I am not a particularly religious man.

Prayer is not something I engage in.

I can't say that I have strong belief in a supreme being.

I am by no means a Talmudic scholar.

What I am and what I do hold dear to me are traditions.

In our home, for the past 3 decades, it has been our tradition to have Shabbat dinner each and every Friday night.

While the number of attendees to this weekly gathering has changed significantly over the years, the core group,the Flock of Spiegels, has managed to keep this alive .

Every week, we gather to eat together.

Every week, I spend the bulk of my Friday afternoon preparing dinner.

Every week we light candles and make kiddush (the blessing over wine) and hamotzi (the blessing over the bread).

Every week we sit and talk and laugh and catch up.

Every week we are once again a family.

That is until this stupid quarantine went into effect.

Now, Friday night looks just like any other night of the week.

There is no Shabbat music playing as I prepare for our weekly get together.

This is very sad to me.

There is no Shabbat in my life right now.

I hope and yes I pray, that soon this will be over and like some bad dream be forgotten about as quickly as possible.

My fear is that there may in fact be that dreaded "new normal" and the one thing I cherished most in my life will be a thing of the past.

I can't predict what the future will hold.

Que sera sera?

What ever will be will in fact be.

I just know that my heart yearns for my Friday's to return.

There are no guarantees.

And I hate living with just memories.

Shabbat Shalom (or have a good Friday night!)

FEAR VS. NUMB

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

~ Viktor E. Frankl

F.E.A.R.

False Evidence Alters Reality.

Fear is easy to overcome.

When I take a step back, let go of the fear and deal with the reality in front of me, it isn't all that hard.

Having an action plan to deal with the facts,and putting that plan into action,always alleviates the fear.

Being numb to the world around me is much more problematic.

N.U.M.B.

Not Using My Blessings!

Now that is scary and devastating!

I have never had any fear during this quarantine. On a daily basis, I have dealt with what ever I could do something about.

Dinner.

Appointments.

We even moved my sister out of the house after 5 1/2 years.

I have been as proactive in my life as I possibly can be.

I closed on a mortgage allowing us to pay down all of our outstanding debt.

I have adjusted our spending to cover the shortfall of a dramatic cut in salary.

I have and continue to handle the day to day realities of my life.

And still. I find myself on the edge of becoming numb.

My talents , limited as they may be, are not being used for very much.

I am not creating or innovating.

I am dealing with the facts of my life, not using the blessings that are my life.

I am becoming NUMB.

Fear I can deal with.

Numb is something entirely different and completely new to me.

The solution is to fear numb.

Fearing numb enables me to deal with it.

I know how to deal with fear.

Take a step back.

Understand the situation.

Make a plan and then execute it.

Fear goes away and hence,so does numb!