Mourning

 The wake was on Sunday.

The funeral was Monday.

I didn't attend either.

To be perfectly honest, Rich was part of my life decades ago.

For 40 years I had virtually no contact with him.

Thankfully, we made the effort, along with Scot, and took the time to take a drive to Maryland and spend some time with our friend Tom, reuniting the Fearsome Foursome one last time.

Since then we stayed in touch via messenger.

Since his passing, I have had a number of people reach out to me offering their condolences.

In the wee dark moments of the night, as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling as I often find myself doing, I asked myself what it was that I was actually mourning.

What had I lost?

A friend?

I suppose.

Another fraternity brother?

Obviously.

Over the last 2 or 3 weeks, I have had a number of losses like this.

People who at one point in my life were very close to me, even if today I have little contact with them.

So why have these losses felt so devastating to me?

Why do my memories of them fill me with so much sorrow?

The unpleasant truth is my mourning has little to do with them.

My sorrow is the loss of me that I am experiencing.

Too many of these significant pieces of my life's quilt are falling off.

I mourn for the loss of the person I was.

I mourn for the loss of the person I could have been.

I mourn the loss of the person I never became.

I mourn the missed opportunities and unrealized potential.

I know that when I rise from this self imposed period of mourning, I will once again celebrate the life I have and all of those that are still a part of it.

Today, I still feel the sorrow.

Today I still mourn.

One thing I have learned over the years, the pain will go away, the memories will remain forever .

Keep Telling the Stories!

Fun!

 In the early stages of coaching training, peer mentoring was a way for us to put into practice the tools we were being exposed to. In an early session, the peer mentor I was working with asked me "what do you do for fun?"

That was 10 years ago and to this day I still do not have an answer to that question.

Fun just isn't something that concerns me.

I'm not sure where fun even fits into the conversation..

As far as I know, there is no Hebrew word for fun, so maybe it's not in my cultural DNA.

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.......:

No mention of fun.

I don't remember anyone having fun in bible stories.

Fun just doesn't resonate or ring any bells with me.

As I headed off to bed last night, I did however have this silly self satisfied feeling .

It came from having written yesterday.

It felt good.

I felt good.

There was a contentment to it.

Something inside of me felt better.

I felt back on track.

Purpose.

Probably a much more important word.

Having a purpose seems so much more meaningful than having fun.

By the way, the Hebrew word for that would be tachlit.

Shavua Tov!

Happy New Year

 Happy New year!

I hope this email finds you well.

I know, it's been quite some time since you last heard from me.

No excuses.....I just stopped writing.

After 8 years,4 months and 12 days, I found that I couldn't find it in me to open this platform and put words on a page.

I missed it terribly.

Still, I couldn't find a way to allow myself to write.

On Christmas eve, while scrolling through my cell phone, I realized just how many people I have lost touch with.

I will never have the opportunity to reach out to many of those names.

Too many ,way too many, are no longer here.

I think it's time for me to reconnect with as many as possible.

The picture above was taken on a visit with my friend Tom.

Friend, frat brother and as the photo depicts, a member of what was dubbed the Fearsome Foursome of the pledge class of Spring 1973.

Sadly, that group has now dwindled to just a Dynamic Duo.

One thing I learned from my musical past....I am not a good soloist!

It's time to strike up the band once again.

It's time for a reunion tour of sorts.

It's time to join the chorus again.

I don't make New Years resolutions.

I'm not big on promises either.

Life has a funny way of getting in the way of them.

I do however make commitments, to myself and to others.

My statement of commitment today is to reconnect. starting with this email.

There are no promises for a tomorrow. There is only the here and now.

So here I am, and now is the time.

I've missed you all!